Month: October 2018

Chasing Sunsets

- dannalundstrom

I have always felt the nearness of Heaven splashed across God’s mighty canvas in breathtaking color. I see the beautiful skies as a veil between an earthly vapor and a vast eternity. Yet, amidst the beauty, suffering remains.

All weekend brokenness has intruded my space and pierced my ears as a deafening interruption. It is there in my loss and yours. It is present in a friend’s diagnosis and in stories of loneliness, suffering and death.

But HOPE. It rises up and flourishes in the presence of the muck and mire that at some point, all are called to wade through. And it gives us the courage to live for the Destination in spite of the details.

In this land of parched living, my soul thirsts to find You and my people in the places I find rest. There, the heartache is bearable because I am in the presence of scriptural truths not sentimental tales.

Tonight, on the side of a mountain cliff, I stood on a solid rock to take this picture because I needed a glimpse of your glory. How perfect; the rock was my firm foundation at the edge of peril. But that is where I found You.

It is hearts closely aquatinted with grief that offer me so much comfort. In my reading I found this,

“But resurrection is not just consolation — it is restoration. We get it all back — the love, the loved ones, the goods, the beauties of this life — but in new, unimaginable degrees of glory and joy and strength.” ~Tim Keller

He Already Knew

- dannalundstrom
Last week I was apologizing to a friend, and she kindly said to me, “I had my mind made up about you a long time ago.” Those words gently landed on my heart leaving an imprint that I don’t think I will soon forget. They have clothed my mind like a warm hug every day since.This morning when I walked out onto my porch, I was marveling at the beautiful sky, and those words softly sang to me again, I had my mind made up about you a long time ago. I think God must want us, His children, to know that. No matter how far we fall, where we stray, how dark the depression or crushing the anxiety; God already knew, and He loves us anyway. ‪Abba‬ Father knew every word of our story because His hands authored each plot, twist, turn, comma, period and question mark. Through the highs and the lows, our sins and sufferings, redemption and renewal God was there; He saw us and had His mind made up.For a long time I was a passively, complacent child, but sometimes great loss pushes us out of our places of unexamined comfort to positions of challenging questions. Questions force me to dig deeper, searching for answers, understanding, and acceptance. But God’s ways are not predicated on my approval, rather His assurance.

Some questions, especially spiritual ones, have no clear answers and the Bible tells me that in Deuteronomy 29:29~ “The secret things belong to the LORD our God…God does not want or expect me to understand everything. He asks that I trust His faithfulness not my feelings. Still, God knows that like the persistent child I am, I will circle back to wrestling and striving to comprehend that which is not for me to realize. Because He made up His mind about me a long time ago, despite it all, He still calls me His beloved.

Sometimes in the midst of life’s chaos, one of my biggest challenges is as one writer put it, “living loved.” I think one key to “loved living” is to remember that God made His mind up a long time ago, and I have little power to make myself unloveable to Him. The same is true for you, friend. May we live loved today-God’s Day.

Your Strength, Lord

- dannalundstrom

Do you feel lead to do something but fearful feelings of inadequacy are holding you back? Are your dreams stagnated by the voices that tell you, you will fail, or you do not have what it takes?

Me, too. I am not sure why I let my heart become burdened because God has shown Himself faithful to me time and again.

Anytime I go into a situation feeling fully prepared; the outcome is usually not prosperous.

It is the times when I am desperate because I know I alone have nothing to give except needy cries for help to be filled and equipped by The Redeemer that my journeys have yielded the best outcomes.

A few months ago I was going to meet a friend who needed encouragement. I was just three weeks out from an expected surgery that had unexpected outcomes. Not only was I physically depleted, but I was also emotionally flat as well.

It was my first time to drive or get out in three weeks, and I knew I had nothing to give. Nothing. On the fifteen minute drive I prayed, persistently petitioned, and childishly begged for The Spirit to fill my empty tank. “Speak through me, Lord.” “Let me listen to understand and not feel pressured to respond.” “Give me the discernment to know when to speak and when to be silent.” “I cannot do this in without you.” These were the weepings of my weary heart.

My confidence became compromised because ultimately, there was a slow, elusive leak of unbelief hidden in my heart, and the safety valve had given way to the pressure and ruptured.

The lie was, it was all up to me. I was going at it all alone. But guess what, despite my “orphandom,” God still showed up! Not only did He show up but His presence was palpable.

There I was feeling debilitated and deficient, yet strengthened and supplied and I had done nothing but ask from a place of total surrender. No preparation. No planning. No striving. Complete resignation to the competence of Christ instead of the illusion of security in my “skill.”

I want to say I approach every circumstance in humble, self-resignation but that would be deceitful because I often forget this fundamental tenant:

It is a calling of the Savior, not confidence in self that is the qualifier for the task set before me. Knowledge of my inadequacy is healthy because it positions me to work from a place of faithful dependence rather than fearful desperation.

What is holding you back today, friend? Maybe you need to hear this; you are off the hook. It is not up to you. If you are a child of God, He promises to go before you, strengthen you and sustain you where He leads.

But be sure of this, though, is it His calling to a place or position, not you’re coercing towards a platform He never commissioned?

Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.~ Psalm 37:5

Grace and Grief

- dannalundstrom

Disrupted dreams. How often does life turn out different than our embellished expectations? It is a steep road to navigate when we are holding the shattered pieces of our “pretty” pictures in the palms of our bleeding hands. Life is unfair and not partial to my dreams. I have been struggling lately with the temptation to shut down. Close the door. Close it tight on the hope that offers me the glorious burden of present realization versus rejection.

There is only one hope that stands eternal, and that is not the one that resides in this world built around unsafe scenarios. It is a future hope, secured by the gift of everlasting life obtained by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. But, here, now, I battle to not close myself off to my desires while striking a balance of preventing rainbows from becoming requirements. It is an unpredictable place to be where peace becomes precarious.

The challenge is leaning into life with open hands softly cupped around pliant pages of immaculate intentions.

It. Is. Hard. I am stubborn, born of flesh that efficiently demands fruition. My hands are sticky. Like the freshly spun strands of spider silk, arrangements cling to me, and I wrestle to break free. But when I am standing amidst the shards of well-crafted storylines, reality reminds me that it is a harsh and unforgiving rival. And so I come to a crossroads where I peer at the scandalous hand of hope or the hostile hike of desensitizing from a world that supplies both grace and grief.

Father, you know me and all my intricacies. Remind me that you knitted me together, every fiber when the shame of a not-all-together life creeps in. Help me to open my hands and my heart so that my mind is mailable to your purposes, not my pursuits. There is nothing in me that is strong, good or steadfast except You. When I remember that truth, I no longer answer to the copious condemnation that shadows me. I had not envisioned life or an impending empty nest without the presence of my mom. I am moment by moment dependant on you to whisper that you are with me and there will be mana for every step but only available for the moment in which I stand. The future lends anxiety. Please help me to be an occupant of the present. Remnants of regret litter the past. Flood my heart and mind with the memories of precious times. This day, this moment is where You meet me, and although there is future grace, I was never permitted to stray there. Enable me to stand in the two faces of hope; free to smile, free to laugh, live and love not because I deserve it, but because You secured it.

To hide is not to honor You. To thrive is a testimony to You. May I remember that all the days of my life.

Sincerely, a daughter who desperately needs and loves You.

Within this shadow box is a special and tangible reminder of my beautiful mom. I will treasure it forever.