Recovering People Pleaser

img_4467My name is D’Anna, and I am an RPP, also known as recovering people pleaser.  I want everyone to be happy with me, and I want to make others happy, so being judged hurts.  For RPPs like myself,  I think the burn of  wounding words sears our souls even a little deeper.  I was thinking maybe instead of talking, complaining and ruminating about others, we should seek to understand what it is about that person or persons that are fanning the flames of something in ourselves that is worth examining.  When I take a good honest look, there is something there that has a lot more to do with me than someone else.

I Am Me and You Are You


I am me, and you are you, and we are both good. I can leave so many things undone, never tried or accomplished because I fail to remember I am me and there is no one made just like me. I devalue myself by looking around and comparing what I do to what others do, and I never measure up in my eyes.

The Lord has been convicting my heart of the tragedy of the sin of comparison. It is an insult to Him, the knitter of every fiber of my soul. Comparison breeds fear and inadequacy, causing me to lead a small, supposedly “safe” life instead of the fulfilling one God intends for me. Friends, we are all made unique, and our gifts are not less than anyone else’s because they are not like anyone else’s.

What gift or calling are you letting fear suppress? Will you join me and cease listening to the lies and believe the Lord?

Ephesians 2:10 ~For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’ ~ Erma Bombeck

Soar like an eagle, friend.

Faith,Not Feats

3eec0d24125490b3a8f2123ff53708b0I am not good enough. I will never be good enough. I could never be a Christian because I can not get my act together to qualify. If you ever find yourself thinking these thoughts, you are right about all except the last one. You, NOR I will never be adequate, but Jesus was enough on our behalf. Being good enough is not and never was up to us. WE are perfectly acceptable and accepted as we are because He was and is sufficient, and He completed us by imparting His righteousness to us as a gift that we receive by believing. We are justified by faith, not feats. I hope you rest easy tonight knowing you are enough, friend! You are loved!

An Absolute, Not an Aspiration

7bd381d2f808be7d282e66205a0ee75fHeavenly Father, (blank), is so very hard. I do not understand why it has to be such a struggle, but I trust you know what you are doing and that it is for my gain and your glory. Please keep my heart and mind faithful to you and your promises as I walk this path. When I hit a bump as I travel, lift my eyes to see and tune my ears to hear you.

I know that thing that is cutting you up, keeping you unraveled and desperate for relief is exhausting you, friend. Fight to Remember today that your hope is not in the easing or extinguishment of that situation that the flesh so desires, but in A Savior who says I am on your side and in me your eternal hope is an absolute, not an aspiration. You are loved.

It Is As It Should Be

bc132f69f397d9a249d001d500cf39f4Be careful not to spend time wishing you were somewhere else, someone else, or something else, that you forget to live as yourself. It is so easy to compare every part of ourselves, but that only leaves us feeling inadequate. If we truly believe God does not make mistakes, then we must believe that everything about us, and every situation surrounding us, is as it should be. Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; they go under because of the water that gets inside them. Guard your hearts and minds, friends. Nothing about you or your circumstances was a mistake. You are a masterpiece in the making and the circumstances surrounding you are advancing the Artist’s work! You are loved.

Are You Running a Marathon or a Sprint

Psalm 66:16 says, come and listen all you who fear God, and I will tell you all He did for me.
We need to be encouraging one another with our experiences with The Lord and with His word.  The beauty of God’s word is how it imprints our hearts and ministers to us in our times of need. 
The truth is, whether we are running life as a marathon, renewing and committing ourselves to God daily or running as a sprint under our authority and sufficiency; both are challenging.    What the first gives us that the latter does not is perseverance and the ability to reflect the character of our Savior not the chaos of our situations.  We can fall in all the pot holes along the race, only to rise, dust ourselves off and keep running. 

When we are right with God, the circumstances and conditions of our race do not define us, but they depict Who lives inside of us.  I would much rather be eternally equipped for the marathon of life, than dependent on myself or someone other than Jesus, to run this race with me. 

When I fail to present myself consistently before The Father, renewing my mind daily, life gets messier than usual.  

Are you pacing yourself for the marathon or sprinting towards the next check off the list?  I often need to remembered , repent and rest.

Rest Before You Run

Sometimes I reach and run before I rest. Have you ever watched a relay team run? As one runner is getting close to the next member to pass off the baton, he starts running a little as he is reaching his hand to grab the baton to begin his leg of the race. If the runner is not careful to rest his hand a moment on the baton, he will miss it. Sometimes I am like a relay runner, I reach and begin running, but I do not rest my hand long enough to securely grab what is about to be handed to me. As I wait expectantly on The Lord to direct my steps, it is often tempting to begin running before He has given me the “baton.” I am prone to run ahead of Him, and when I do, my path is forged by my plan not His purpose. Why is rest so hard? As He controls our steps, so does He command our stops. I am much more comfortable with the steps, but am learning the value of a sovereign stop. When I am busy, I cannot hear clearly. My listening is distracted and directions, if I hear them, are not clear to me. I do nothing well that I have not first paused to fix my eyes and attention on first. If I do not rest my hand on what God is giving me long enough to confidently grab hold, I can not run my leg of the race and finish well. What are you running ahead of today? Where do you need to take a step back and rest quietly as you wait on the “baton?” God isn’t going to make us miss His race. The danger is that we will run ahead of Him and miss it ourselves. Remember today, friend, rest must always precede running.

He is Soverign Over Us

We all have circumstances in our lives that we wish were different, and this reality is one of the easiest places the enemy entangles us. You may be in an unstable marriage, parenting a prodigal child, facing addiction, disease or significant loss. Whatever the challenge you have been given may be, it may not have come from God’s hands, but it did go through His hands.  It is hard to live amidst our struggles and remain joyful when we traverse difficult paths. The great danger is that as we walk our routes, it is tempting to compare our journey to another’s. Comparison tricks us into thinking others have it easier or have been given favor. Comparison is a liar, and we believe her far too quickly. Observing others casts darkness into our lives, and it is easy to begin fantasizing about a more comfortable life.  We must recognize fantasy for what it is; a fraud who draws you into his web with unrealistic thoughts of “better things.” In the life of a believer, there ought to be nothing better than walking well in obedience the road our Master has assigned us. Perseverance is not possible if we are self-focused. It is impossible if we are contrasting our journey with someone else’s. It is when we fix our eyes on Jesus, insulate our hearts with His Word, and our desire to please our Savior overshadows that of pleasing our self, that we endure and our weeping is joined by worship, purpose enters our pain and joy joins our journey. Consider 1 Corinthians 7:17~And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches. (The Message). I pray today, friend, that you and I believe in the plan of our good and faithful Provider as hard as it may be. He is in the midst of every heartache. Fight to be still and know that He is God, and He is good. When we live as though He is sovereign over us, His strength and peace will equip us as we travel. You are loved!

The Secret Is Christ In Me

fullsizeoutput_57e7Good morning weary friend.  I know the road you are traveling feels lonely, exhausting and at times unbearable.  Sometimes you are so ready for peace and it feels like God is not answering your plea for help.  This week The Lord has been reminding me that often I am more disappointed and disillusioned by the failure of my arrangements than His answers. He is answering, but probably not within the parameters of the controlled, nice, tidy box I frame those answers in.  His plans are so much higher than we can imagine, and silence does not mean absence, but very often action. It is in the reticence of our trials that the resurrection is awakening.  Just remember, not to put that outcome in a box; God does not fit there.  Keep looking up.  Take the next right step and remain faithful.  I love this quote and hope it encourages you this morning:
The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.
Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart
You are loved!

Until We Stop Hiding, We Cannot Be Healed

As I lean deeper into Jesus, He goes deeper with me, giving me the courage to look at the hidden parts of myself that I can only bear to see sitting in the shadow of the cross.  It is there that I remember I am ransomed and redeemed.

I love to start my day praying Psalm 139:23-24. The verses say ~ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.  I love this prayer because it is an invitation for God to come into my heart, including the dark corners where concealed, slow drips of destructive sin and unbelief taint my peace and compromise my joy.

The examination of our hearts can be frightening, but God is a source of courage that allows us to face our fears.  Courage to me is NOT the absence of fear, but the ability to stand and look it in the face because I belong to and have faith in The One who is bigger than all my fears.

God knitted me together in such a way that I have a strong desire for intimate connection. For me, that looks like walking well with hurting friends.  It also means authentic community, transparency and the strength to be vulnerable with other believers.

We are so often captives to our sins, circumstances and the shame they yield.  We live as lonely, hostages among a world of impostures wearing masks to dress up their outsides and disguise their insides.

A dear, friend recently shared this Dietrich Bonhoeffer quote with me that speaks so eloquently to this issue.

“It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service may still be left to their loneliness.  The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner.  So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and the fellowship.  We dare not be sinners.  Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous.  So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy.  The fact is that we are sinners!”

“Our vulnerability is the greatest gift we have to offer each other.  It is contagious and liberating because it gives others permission to be “normal.”  Sin is a common denominator for all humanity so why are we not freer to be honest with fellow believers? Our fear of judgment and rejection restrains us.  Fear silences us and bullies us into isolation.

The Apostle Paul called himself the chief of all sinners, so where does that leave us?  I hope encouraged, and not suffocating in guilt or shame.  Until we stop hiding, we cannot be healed.

Lord Jesus, life can be messy, but you know that because you came and walked amidst the suffering and sin of this world.  You were despised and rejected to sustain us in our sorrow.  You wept to know us in our weeping.  Your body was broken to redeem our brokenness and secure for us everlasting life.  How faithful you are for loving us when we are unlovely.  Help us, your children, be a body of authentic believers who recognize we are sinners who desperately need each other and more importantly, you.  May our hearts remember to repent, return and rest in your available and accepting arms.  Thank you for your mercy and grace.  Amen.