May I Never Forget You, 2014

As the sun sets on another year, I am thinking about the things, the hard things, that I would have never chosen in 2014, but they chose me. They brought much grief but were always accompanied by gratitude.

Our years are made of days, some ordinary and some extraordinary. Those days, the ordinary and the extraordinary, occasionally conquer but also create us. They sometimes shatter us but subsequently sharpen us. We experience triumphs, and we endure tragedies. Some days break us only to build us. Days can be messy but NOT without meaning. Refinement and restoration marry well with an available heart.

The self-reliant use tallies of good and bad days to calculate the success of their year. It is perspective and the pursuit of
meaning amidst days, broken and beautiful, that the surrendered use to measure theirs. May I always evaluate my years from a position of surrender.

2014 has felt like a year of wandering in the Psalms for me. I have been desperate, and I have been dependent. I have lamented and I have praised. The year cultivated both difficult and defining memories. It was pretty, and it was painful.

2014 was a reminder that the goal of life is not happiness, because it is not happiness that brokers comfortable homes; but joy outside of circumstances found in a Savior that breeds content hearts.

I am reflecting on all the fragments of 2014, the brutal and the beautiful, and placing them within the context of Romans 8:28 today.~And we know that God causes everything to work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I see much purpose born from the pain of some of the challenges of 2014. I can find meaning in much of the messiness, but there are other situations, however, I am still waiting. I am aware as Deuteronomy 29:29 tells me, I may never understand. Some things are only to be know by The Lord.

There are circumstances that are unthinkable, unfair and how could God be working right from something so wrong? I am reminded that it is here that I must exercise extravagant faith, not in circumstances I see but in a creator I trust.

It is here, in the stuck places, I have to put away all the “whys” and rest in Who. I do not say this lightly because this is a difficult assignment, but God does not call us to simple, rather to surrender.

We can view life through cynical-glasses or Savior-glasses. It is a choice-a very crucial one. 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011… They all had obstacles that shook and shaped me; not to my final destination but towards my desired direction.

It has been those dreaded moments, the broken ones, that have rendered the sweetest fruit. So while some are saying so long 2014, I cannot wait to forget you; I am saying I hope I always remember you.

There is so much meaning born within the parameters of messy. Jesus, our Savior, was born in the most unclean of environments. Isn’t it beautiful how the sloppiest of circumstances can become sacred. (Luke 2) Isn’t it sweet how pain can usher so much purpose. Jesus was crucified and suffered a painful death with a purpose to secure the salvation of a sinner like me. (Isaiah 53:11)

Thank you 2014 for all the ways you have pruned and protected me. Thank you for all the sorrow that stretched me. Growth really is most fertile when planted in the soil of grief. Thank you for the tears of pain and the tears of joy. Thank you for the portraits of beauty and the scribbles of brokenness. Mostly 2014, thank you for forging me deeper into relationship with my Savior.

Welcome 2015. I know your landscape will be one indigenous of peaks and valleys. I also know it is my triumphs over your tribulations that are for my growth and God’s glory. What a blessing to enter a new year given the grace to understand that.

Happy New Year to all. May you be rich enough to embrace prosperity and rattled enough to experience your Savior.

A Prayer for Taming the Tongue

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I have been reading James the last few mornings, and pondering the power of the tongue. It is the strongest muscle we possess, capable of delivering life or death in a matter of moments.
My prayer today:
Father, divorcing love from truth is to engage cruelty. Divorcing truth from love is to enable a charade. Your word teaches love and truth are meant to be united, always. This is the only way to speak to the core of truth without wounding the core of a person. When days get busy, to-do lists get long and chaos ensues, Father I have a tendency to not be a good steward of my tongue. When I hold in frustration too long or don’t address matters promptly, the pressure builds just waiting for the prime moment to explode, leaving words of hot, burning ash to fall on someone I love. Never do I want this, Father. Give me the wisdom and patience to hold my tongue until my heart and soul are settled not seething. Jesus, give me the grace to tame my tongue, always using it to build people up, never to break them down. Then in the moments when I fail, and you already know this of me, I will, prick my heart towards prompt repentance that is the precursor for grace lending rest. Amen.

Share Your Story

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People are like books. Our lives tell a story. Everyone has chapters of triumph and tragedy, grief and gratitude, success and struggle. All of our stories depict beauty and brokenness. Those parts of our story-the broken ones- are usually the most poignant. Embrace them. Search for the meaning and the message nestled within them. Share them. Our triumph over tribulation is for our growth and God’s glory.

You Must Believe To Receive

It is Christmas time, the season to be merry and bright.  We adorn streets, stores, homes, and even our conversations with phrases that span back as far as I can remember.  Merry Christmas, happy holidays, merry, joy, peace…And How about the one our parents always told us?  The one we tell our children and our children’s children-You must believe to receive.  I remember hearing that as far back as my memory spans.

You must believe to receive-intended to affirm a child’s trust in a fictional character, Santa Claus, so they will be rewarded with the things their hearts desire.  The pay off for believing, they receive and in turn are “happy.”  It is a well-intended tradition that every nurturing parent perpetuates, but just maybe it is here where we unknowingly plant the early seeds of idolatry.

It is Christmas time.  The season to be merry and bright, so why do I feel so melancholy?  Perhaps it is in my striving to keep up with the socially acceptable norms of the season, that I am withering from the searing realities of my soul.  If only my insides matched my outsides, perhaps I would not be so tired; tired from trying so hard to be merry when in reality life is so messy.  Or maybe it is the memories of all who I am missing, and all that was that tug on my heart.  I tend to remember what was through rosy colored lenses, and that can blind me to the beauty of what is.

The irony of You must believe to receive is there has never been a more crucial truth for living.  It is not just a childhood charade.  It is our salvation.  It ultimately has nothing to do with Santa Claus, fiction, or the receiving of wrapped gifts.  It has everything to do with a righteous Savior, a real story, and His unparallelled presence.

In the midst of trying to be merry this season, my cousin in her young 30’s is dying from cancer that has claimed her bones, lungs, and her life unless she receives a miracle.  Not very merry.

A good friend right now is sitting at her mother’s bedside waiting for her mom to draw her last breath. She will likely succumb to cancer on Christmas Eve or Christmas day, leaving her family grieving.  My friend’s Christmas will not be so merry.

Dear friends buried their thirteen-year-old son a few weeks ago.  How do they find the merry after such an unimaginable loss?

I have handicapped parents who are both compromised mentally and physically.  They are not living, just existing trapped in bodies that paint pictures that are painful to see.  Messy.

Family and friends are battling addictions.  They do not have the addictions; the addictions have them. Very messy.

There are broken relationships.  Relationships defined by dysfunction and wounds that run so deep that I, in my weak flesh, strain to catch a glimpse of hope for forgiveness or reconciliation.  Definitely messy.

There is so much demand for love in hard places that my supply of endurance feels inadequate.  Love is messy.

In the midst of trying to be merry, our world seems to the contrary.  Our people are killing and persecuting our people.  Our protectors have become prey.  One nation under God feels like empty words we recite with no conviction.  The seeping wounds from past gouges of racial division are constantly being pricked.  We are not living and acting out of present progress, but past wounds and injustices.

So where does believing and receiving fit in with all this brokenness, and suffering?  How do I expect so many of the mentioned people to believe in the midst of sweltering circumstances?  How do I believe when at every turn the pervasiveness of pain continues to multiply?

It is not an easy or efficient answer friends, but I promise it is effective.  If you are looking for easy and efficient, you are not looking for Jesus.  Belief in a Savior outside of ourselves and our world is an arduous fight.  It is a choice; a sometimes very hard choice, but the most crucial one we make.  It is only in choosing to believe that we receive the peace, hope and security of Jesus.  A Savior, who holds when he cannot heal, sustains in the absence of surrender, loves in the midst of loss and bears all burdens of brokenness.

Believing in Jesus, and receiving His promises allows us to face our messiness and not be miserable.

Deuteronomy 29:29 is like water for my parched soul when I am crying out to the Lord in frustration and questioning Him with why and how.  It tells us this: The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever.

There is so much we will never know.  There is so much we will never understand.  Plenty are the things we do not like, agree with or accept in this fallible life.  We are told this in Deuteronomy.  This verse also tells us that we are only expected to understand that which has been disclosed by the Lord.

So what has God disclosed?  Friends, this is the most important part of what you are reading.  God has testified and proven on the record that He loves us and has something better in mind for those who love Him.  John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that whoever BELIEVES in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Jesus has revealed that we are not alone in our pain and suffering in the gospel of Matthew.  Matthew 11:28-30~Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

God’s word has assured us of our secured salvation if we only believe in Ephesians.  Ephesians 2:8~For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us we do not have to be fearful of our circumstances~Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

In John 14:1-3~ Jesus gives us the assurance of our inheritance of eternal life in Heaven~ “Don’t let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God and trust also in me.  There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.  If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?  When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.

There are thousands of promises that have been revealed to us.  Yes, what we do not understand can be implausible, but as believers, what we do understand from God’s word is the antidote for our weary, wandering souls.  It does not mean we are void of emotions like sadness, fear, and worry.  It means we have those emotions, but God has us in the midst of them.  What He has revealed conquers that which is concealed, and sustains us until that day when all the broken, jagged and lost pieces of our life fit together to form a beautiful picture.

If we do not believe, we will not receive.  All these biblical promises, the incarnation and the resurrection, they mean nothing to us if we do not believe.  Saying we believe, reading our Bibles, going to church, having a quiet time, none of that is enough.  All those things are good and necessary, but belief is very much a multifaceted action verb that demands a continuous battle to live the truths we recite.  Belief requires an intimate relationship, not an obligated religion.  It necessitates we become a daily, living sacrifice.  We must die to the fast fixes of the world and fasten to the faithful promises of a Savior. Belief is worth fighting for!

It is not enough to have it in our brains and flowing from our mouths.  Until we saturate our hearts and the deepest recesses of our souls where the thieves of belief taint our peace and stability, it will never carry over from our lips to our lives.

Our joy amidst the backdrop of life’s brokenness is for God’s glory.  This can only be received in the midst of genuine belief.

I may not feel very merry this Christmas, but that is understandable.  Jesus felt grief, pain, and sadness more than merriment at times, too.  I would rather be true to my reality than suffocated by my reverie. Besides, I have learned there is so much beauty born from brokenness.  I believe it, and I have received it!  Although life is really messy right now, the merry, a little dim, is still there.  When our perspective is formed in the image of the gospel, merry always trumps our messiness in the end.  May you find the merry despite all the mess this CHRISTmas.

I do not see, but I will follow.  I do not hear, but I will listen.  I do not comprehend, but I will fight to BELIEVE.   Heavenly Father help all of us enduring pain, suffering and unthinkable trials to trust and rest in you.  May we all walk not by our senses or understanding, but guided by faith that although sometimes is shaken, it is never shattered!

Amen

Running After Dirty Water

About a year ago we added a puppy to our family.  She has brought a lot of joy to our home.  There have been some ups and downs as there always are with a puppy, but more and more I notice the positives.
Yes, she is a dog, but she is also a teacher.  It is amazing how God can transplant His presence and instruction into any person, place, thing or situation.  Like a chameleon, God’s truths adapt to all surroundings. As we become familiar with Him, we develop a keen eye and acute ear for His presence, and the areas where He is convicting our hearts.

I see valuable lessons in the life of our puppy every day.  By the way, her name is Paisley, which means, the church.  It only fits that she would bear a name that is indicative of a place where people go to learn, grow and feel loved.

Loved.  Is that not the deepest inclination of so many hearts?  Few people this side of the garden know a more pure, rich form of unadulterated and genuine love than that of a dog.  If only I were half as good most days as I am every day in Paisley’s eyes.  If I loved like her,  always unconditional, cheerful and consistent, how my joy would multiply.  She is an example of how to love and be loved with no hesitation, terms or conditions.  She is an example of how Jesus loves us!

Many people have reported this kind of organic love and loyalty of dogs.  Although it is a highly important lesson, and one I am thankful she reminds me of daily, God has revealed much more to me through Paisley.

There is an area on our sidewalk that forms a corner.  Dirt and rainwater collect there, making it a well of dirty water.  This dirty water has become an alluring temptation for Paisley.  She has fresh, clean, life sustaining water available to her all day.  Her water bowl sits in the same place, and it never moves. Invariably Paisley will scratch the door to go out in order to run for a drink of the dirty water.

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Yesterday in my frustration of her repetitive, wrong and potentially hazardous behavior, I went out to stand guard over the murky water.  As I was walking towards her with her head down drinking, a teaching moment transpired in my head.  I am a lot like Paisley!  I have a Savior, who is always present and immoveable.  He provides an abundance of fresh, living water to me every day.  I know that. I know where the living water is and Who it comes from, but how many times in my flesh born tendency do I opt for dirty water?

I am running after dirty water every time my eyes, ears, heart, and mind become attracted to the idols of this world.  I run after dirty water each time I try and maneuver my plans into alignment with my wishes, not the will of my Father.  I am drinking dirty water when I worry or plan excessively, which in reality is control indigenous to unbelief. I am resorting to dirty water when I lose my patience with my children, husband or someone who thwarts my purpose, or threatens my misplaced righteousness.  I am running to dirty water when I forget prayer as my first line of defense and look for solutions inherent of the world.  I am running after dirty water when I look to anesthetize a desire in anything outside of Jesus.

There are so many instances I run after dirty water.  It is comforting to me that Jesus is not surprised by this.  Nor is He disappointed in me.  His well of nourishing water is always available, and it rests under an umbrella for sinners like me who need to run back and find a refreshing drink in the shade of His amazing grace.

Whose water are you drinking; that drawn from the soil or that flowing from The Savior?  It is never too late to switch sources. This verse in Isaiah is equivalent to a cool, cleansing drink of regenerative water.

Isaiah 30:15
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength.”

Father, forgive us all the times we run for dirty water.  You know this is our sinful inclination.  You also know our hearts true desire is to grow in obedience to You.  When we squander our focus, gently redirect our gaze back to you, the only source that will adequately quench our thirst.  May we find rest in your patience and grace.  Amen.

Prayerful Plea

As a newborn baby cries out for their every need of thirst, hunger, pain… We, too, must cry out to our Father, and He will quench, feed and soothe us in our distress. Father, help us to ask you today to meet us in all the areas we are bleeding. Hold the hurting, pacify the painful and bless us in all our brokenness. Thank you for the incarnation that branded your compassion and empathy into the toil of our fallen world. Thank you for the resurrection that affirmed our admittance into a beautiful eternity. Amen.

Wait Expectantly

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JH Ranch

In life everything begins and ends, succeeds or succumbs, in the perspective of our thoughts. We can view the minute and the magnificent through the lens of miraculous or mundane. We control very little in this world, but we do have the power to control what and how we think. I have been trying to get a very important picture blown up for over a week now. I only had a small thumbnail because it was taken on Instagram by someone I did not know. After tracking down the photographer, I learned she no longer had the original. I don’t understand all the photography jargon like resolution, pixels, etc….However, every place in town told me I would be lucky to get a clear 5×7 and possibly a blurry 8×10. They all told me my request was impossible! Feeling frustrated and out of options today, I had a little talk with God this morning. I told Him that I was going to remember today that He is bigger than any and every NO from man. After that, I prayed, and then went online and ordered a 20×30 of my tiny picture. Ambitious-right? I have waited all day expectantly to pick the enlargement up. One word-perfect! I am choosing to believe this was a miracle because the picture itself represents the power of prayer and the presence of miracles. Psalm 5:3~Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

Exhortation for the Exhausted Today

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Exhortation for the exhausted today:
Pain, fear, worry and sadness are not the absence of a faithful heart. They are the evidence of an alive soul. Faith is not built by the abolishment of feelings but authored amidst the presence of much pain where the determination to choose to trust in the plans of our Savior, not our situation, persevere.

Your Need List

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A couple weeks ago, I woke up at 4 Am, as often happens. When I could not go back to sleep I was thumbing through my phone in the dark, and I hit something on Facebook. I don’t know what I pushed, but it took me to the post at the bottom. It was my last post of 2013. I had chills as I read it, and I have since gone back and read it several times in amazement. Thank you, Lord I did not know what was ahead of me, and thank you, Jesus that you did!

As December opens its doors today, I encourage you to begin thinking about all the things, the hard things that you would have never chosen in 2014, but you are now thankful they chose you. You might be surprised what you realize. I have several events, big ones, I would have never elected to endure.

In hindsight, they did hold a lot of grief, and some still do, but as I have learned, grief and gratitude are prone to intermingle. Where the two reside, it is your perspective which one will reign. Think about those unwanted intruders in the context of Romans 8:28~And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Here was my post on that last night of 2013:
It is after midnight, and I am up on the last day of 2013. I am reflecting on 2013, and this was on my mind: Often the trials we face are things we would have never chosen, but they are the journeys that we need to refine us. They are the means that build character, perseverance, wisdom and so much more. So as you look back over your past year, I hope you can view it through this lens and feel blessed! I heard this quote in church recently, and it impacted me. As I was looking over my journal tonight, (today), I read it again, and I love the truth contained in these words.
As you look back over this past year, there may be some things that were not on your want list, but they were on your need list.~Danny Wood, SMBC 12/22/13 Shades Mountain

The Wait Marches On

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Just as the birth of new life is a process, so are growing into an adolescent, adult and so on. Everything is a process. A process of success, a process of failure, a process of destruction and a process of restoration. Then you get to the end of years, seasons and cycles, and you sit at deaths door with someone you love as you watch the curtain drawing on the last act of their rehearsal for eternal life. You ache in the finality of what is and you abide in the memory of what was. As you sit and wait, you pray for swift mercy. You don’t want to keep staring at the mask of eminent death settled on the face of a loved one. Questioning sets in, and then you remember, just as you didn’t know how the process would begin, you also cannot know how and when it will end. The moment we took our first breath, and the moment we draw our last were determined in advance. They were written by eternal hands that no human mind could know. Although a delayed ending of the final process feels unjust, you remember we have earthly eyes, ears and minds. We cannot see, hear or know. Trying to figure it out, or ask when is stepping out of our realm and into God’s. Sometimes His timing seems unjust but faith continues to whisper, it is always right! Then, the wait marches on.
Please pray for Nana to be with Jesus soon. Everything indigenous to her is gone, but her heart is still beating strong. Your will not ours Lord.