I suppose if I was someone of notoriety and Joy Behar read this she would label me insane. I would be the content of jokes, cutting remarks and sadly, many laughs. Thankfully, I am not famous, not because I am afraid of being made fun of, but because earthly power is not a necessary precursor for an eternal purpose.

I am always a work in progress. Listening. Reading. Learning. Succeeding. Failing. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I am at a point in my life where I am alright with this process as long as I keep moving forward. So much of my walk is remembering obedience precedes understanding, not vice versa. When Jesus would offer followers to come and see, He didn’t mean after you understand. My flesh wants to see and come, but that is not faith, that is futility. I am not called to figure anything out, that is contrary to my nature, however.

When God wants to teach me something new, He always layers the concept. By about the second or third time, He has my attention. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for the lesson to come, but it always does, just not on my timetable.

I am reading an excellent book that has been like a warm, affirming hug to my soul. A few nights ago, the chapter I read was about our identity. The world wants to name me. I want to identify myself, and often harshly. Shame, failure and the exhaustion of the performance treadmill many times define who I am. It is so easy to derive my identity from situational frailties rather than Savior actualities. The point of the chapter which was entitled, Becoming Who We Already Are, was to pay attention to who we believe we are and then ask the Father to show us who we are in His image, not ours, not the worlds.

I went to bed that night praying very expectantly and asking God, “Father, please show me who You say I am. I know all the well-churched answers, but my heart was desperate for a fresh word. Not a one size fits all declaration, but an individualized description.

The next morning I woke up fully expecting to be identified through something I read, heard or so on. Crickets. Waiting. Nothing. But I kept praying and asking like a needy child incessantly asking his mother the same thing over and over again. Are we there yet? Do you have an answer yet?

By yesterday morning, day two, I was feeling defeated but not utterly desperate, and I was still asking. “Father, I know I am your daughter.” Well-loved. Provided for. Secure. I fight to remember that I rest on your record, not mine. Your righteousness, not mine, but who do You say I am? Please show me.”

A short time later, I received a newsletter via email from one of my favorite ministries, Restore ministries, here in Birmingham. The title of the newsletter was, Renamed. To say my heart began beating fast is an understatement and I stopped everything I was doing to read it. I thought just maybe this was it! A letter from the Lord via a ministry. Perfect! The message did not rename or identify me, but this is what it did do. The author’s words encouraged me to keep seeking, praying and asking The Lord to show me my identity in Him. While it did not answer my question, it reinforced my resolve to continue asking and listening, so my questioning continued. I am so thankful God is a patient Father.

This leads me to last night. I was tired, emotionally and physically. The day had been challenging in different ways. Expensive repairs. Friends hurting. My own junk. I guess I do not wear my feelings very stealthy as one family member remarked, “you look emotionally exhausted.” I could not argue with that assessment.

I retired myself early, and as I was pulling my soft blanket up around me, I asked again, “Father who do you say I am.” Before I could take a breath, move or think, this is what I immediately heard in my head. Strong Warrior. Let me be clear; this was NOT an audible voice, it was a gentle whisper deep within.

I wish I could say I went to bed hearing the Hallelujah chorus, but I was a little skeptical. I sure did not feel that name coming. Also, because I was tired I fell right asleep and did not have much time to process, but I did thank God for the fresh, tailored name.

In His book, Follow The Cloud. John Stickl says whoever owns you gets to define you. This morning I have a renewed understanding of that truth. I feel strong. Much stronger than yesterday when I was letting an opportunistic enemy, my destructive thoughts and doubts define me. Once we claim an identity, it is all-encompassing. Our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and so much more are controlled by who we believe we are.

I would love to pass this exhortation along to you today, friend? Who or what are you allowing to define you? Who or what are they saying you are? May I make a suggestion? Ask The Father to show you who He says you are and wait expectantly for Him to answer. It may not be an expedient answer. Don’t lose your anticipation or faith. Be alert. It will come, but likely when you are not expecting it.

You are loved.