“A patient Father can lead His child to water, but he doesn’t make her drink.”~Jennifer Dukes Lee.

There is great knowledge and freedom in this quote. For many years I confused my role and responsibility as a parent. I still sometimes stumble and have to question myself in certain situations; is it my role or my responsibility. The way I can always distinguish the two: first, am I trying to be their Savior, and two, is this about me and my needs, or my child. If me, myself or I am any part of the answer, I know I have a problem!

Let me be clear I am not talking about matters of safety, but rather matters of society. You will play baseball; you will have a morning devotion every day, you will go to the dance, you will study two hours every night…It’s our role to provide them the opportunity, but not our responsibility that they accept it!

I have a child who struggles academically. For years I carried the weight of his educational success on my shoulders, and because everyone around me appeared to have mini Einstein’s, I wanted to fit in. I was looking for approval and identity in my child’s performance. Oh, thank you, Jesus, for setting me free from that really exhausting and distorted thinking. I might not be alive today if I was still bearing that responsibility.

While I have a role in this child’s academic success, his grades are not my responsibility. I feed him good food, provide all his supplies, get him to and from school, and provide some help if requested. That is my where my role and my responsibility ends.

In today’s society, people are so performance driven.  Our success is often judged on our abilities and accomplishments, rather than our hearts.  We have misplaced our identity, and as parents, it is crucial that we regain perspective, so that our children don’t conform to these same distorted patterns.  (Romans 12:2)   They must grasp their identity apart from their success, their appearance and their possessions, otherwise, they will never be happy.

Often our attempts to “encourage” our children to participate in, or do certain things are more about us than them.  I was wrapped up in this “perfect child righteousness” for a long time.  Thank you, Holy Spirit for the counsel and conviction you infuse in us to free us from the idols that roam rampant in our hearts.

Now when faced with a dilemma of disagreement with one of my children, I have the freedom to ask myself, “Is this about them or me?”  More times than not, the answer is me.  Sometimes the truth hurts, sometimes it wrings our heart out.  God never promised obedience would be easy, but he did promise over and over again that HE is the only Savior there is.  (Isaiah 43:11)  That feels like a heavy load lifted from my shoulders.  Passing my heavy yoke, and acquiring His light one is like breathing new life into a sluggish and weary soul.

I hope you can find the great freedom in distinguishing your role and responsibility with your children, or anyone else in your life.  Jesus is the only Savior, and we can excuse ourselves from that job.  Will you rest in that freedom with me, friend?  We will never be perfect at it, but we can certainly be better than we are, myself included!