What Am I Fixing?

I grew up in a small Texas town. My accent was as thick as concrete, and I had a whole lingo understood only by those indigenous to The Big Thicket area of The Lone Star State.

When I left home and went to Baylor University, the big city, I had to in some ways learn the English language, and my friends had to learn mine, whatever it was. As a matter of fact, I was affectionately called, ”Reba” in the school of Speech Pathology and Audiology and it was NOT because I could sing! One term I used frequently and was made fun of for was fixing, but this was not fixing in the sense of I am fixing the car or fixing the clock. It was, I am fixing to go to the store. I am fixing to eat dinner. You get it, right?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I am fixing. What am I fixing up in my life? My home? My appearance? My reputation? My people? I spend so much time “fixing” the things of this world, yet my heart longs for eternity. How much time am I spending preparing myself and my sphere of influence for our final destination?

What I have realized is “fixing” up things can become addictive and insidiously serve as band-aids that are concealing deep wounds.

As long as we are breathing there will always be something to fix. Right now I have a list of at least ten things, I am sure. But all these things are but dust in the scope of eternity so why do I spend so much futile energy there?

When my vision is focused horizontally, and I am often out of focus, I can too quickly get caught up in all the tasks I see that “need” to be completed. I do have responsibilities, and I am not suggesting neglecting them. But eternity. That is where I want to place the weight of my attention.

As we said in that tiny little Southeast Texas town, I am fixing to go. Well, friends, someday soon I am fixing to go to Heaven, and when the roll is called up yonder, I intend to be there, and no amount of fixing down here is going with me. I hope to see you there!

Opportunities to Repent

The older I get, the more opportunities I see where I need to repent.  I thought it would be the other way around but not so for me.  I am choosing to think of it as the sharper my “spiritual vision” becomes the clearer I see the junk that is there.  In light of that, I guess it is a positive thing.

Isiah 30:15~In repentance and rest is my salvation.

It is Our Poverty That Makes Us Rich

Yesterday we took a boat to the British Virgin Islands.  I did not know much about the BVIs and was fully expecting nothing but beauty.  Once we reached the first island, we boarded an open-air taxi and headed for The Baths National Park.  We had to go through a small village to get there.  I was immediately shocked and impacted by the sights of poverty we were driving through.  There were signs and smells of depravity everywhere I turned. Residents sat outside to catch fleeting bursts of refreshing air because there was no air conditioning.  I felt like I was intruding into their small world as a privileged, undeserving sightseer as we drove by each “house.”

In those moments I felt an incongruence in my soul of extravagant gratitude for what I “have” and extreme grief for what they seemingly do not.  I wanted to hide from the sadness that was invading my heart, but I could not numb myself to it.  I wondered who these people were, and if they knew they were poor, or if this was just the way of life to them?   Were they happy or were they sad people who felt trapped in a world of destitution?  Mostly, I wondered, if they know Jesus?

I found myself wanting to close my eyes and not look because not seeing would have been easier, but I could not turn away because what is not seen cannot be known, and what is not known cannot be seen.

I went on our tour with a heavy torque gripping my heart.  We navigated through beautiful rock formations, caves and swam in beaches so pure and beautiful that it took my breath away.  Despite it all, I could not shake my heartache.

On the taxi ride back to the boat, we again passed through the small, indigent village that is now branded into my existence.  I was questioning The Lord, how can this be that there is so much poverty woven in the midst of all this untainted beauty?  How can these two things co-mingle?  Immediately a sobering reminder graced my struggling spirit.

 D’Anna, this is a picture of you.  You can dress up in your best smile, clothing, and accessories, surround yourself with desirable things, but underneath it all, and right in the midst is an impoverished heart that cannot be dressed up.  It is destitute, broken and in desperate need of a Savior every day.

Broken people, broken places, broken worlds; they may all present differently, but a common brokenness is indigenous to us all.  My awareness of the destitution of my own heart is my greatest asset.  It is when I realize just how poor I am, that I become rich. When I or my world becomes sufficient in my estimation, I am in trouble.

In this life wealth is most often judged by superficial appearances or numbers indicating monetary things that can disappear in the blink of an eye.  Regarding eternity, however, being rich is knowing that we are helpless to the presence of our splintered souls yet that is the avenue by which we find abundance from the sacrifices of a Savior, who longs to be in a relationship with our bankrupt souls.

On the ride back to the boat I paid closer attention to details throughout the small village.  I was very comforted by the presence of spiritual graffiti everywhere I turned.  There were bible verses right in plain sight that I did not see the first time because I was so blinded by the presentation of the land that I missed the presence of The Lord.

The hope I left with is this; life is often incongruent to my desire for everyone to be happy and comfortable.  Happy and comfortable are circumstantial frailties, not gospel actualities.  The people of The British Virgin Islands clearly understand that it is not what they have, but Who they have that makes their lives sufficient.  This side of Heaven, where there is beauty there will always be brokenness.  I tend to forget that so quickly.  Lord Jesus, may my wealth always be found in you alone.

Daily Prayer

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Lord Jesus, today help me be more concerned with being kind than being correct.  Give me the grace to live in the shade of eternity rather than the shadow of entitlement.  May the priority of my heart be mankind before me.  Keep me from falling into the trap of judgement.  Remind me that all dress in sin, and although mine may look different than my neighbors,  I am just as guilty!  May all reading this find refuge from the flesh in repentance and rest instead of shame and self condemnation.  Lastly, Lord embolden me to be less anxious about disturbing others with truth, myself included, than offending you with tolerance.  Amen.

Fear Versus Faith

My daughter and I have a tradition every morning during our commute to school.   She picks a Bible verse to read to me, and we discuss what it means and how we may apply it to our lives.   It has become a very special time for both of us.   It is my favorite time of the day!

Two days ago she read me Romans 12:2.   I loved that she picked that verse.   Our discussion was rich and applicable to our lives on many fronts.   It was a treasured discussion that I won’t soon forget!

The beauty of God’s word is how it imprints our hearts and ministers to us in our times of need. Yesterday was the perfect example.   I had a fearful day. I was thankful when I awoke at 3 AM this morning to have Romans 12:2 and many other appropriate verses that immediately became my defense against the enemies of the night such as anxiety and worry.

It is funny because the day before my daughter read Romans 12:2, I had listened to a sermon by Tim Keller on Romans 12:1.   Romans 12:1 says: And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you.   Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable.   This is truly the way to worship him.

In the old testament, sacrifices were made in the form of animals.   We thankfully do not practice that style of sacrifice anymore.   Alternatively, we are the sacrifices we present to God each day.   It is an ongoing process of presenting our will, our desires and our needs to God and relinquishing our hands from them.   In his sermon, Keller humorously noted that the problem with living sacrifices is that they keep crawling off the altar.   He makes a great point!    In all seriousness, though, we are to be constant living sacrifices, and that takes intention, effort, determination, and time.   It is a marathon and not a sprint.

The truth is, whether we are running life as a marathon, renewing and committing ourselves to God daily or running as a sprint under our authority and sufficiency; both are challenging.   What the first gives us that the latter does not are promises of hope and joy.   It equips us with an ability to fall in all the pot holes along the race, only to rise, dust ourselves off and keep running.   The circumstances and conditions of our race do not define us, but they depict the character of a living God who lives inside us.   I would much rather be eternally equipped for the marathon of life, than dependent on myself or someone other than Jesus, to run this race with me.

When I fail to present myself coonsistently to God, renewing my mind daily, life gets messier than usual.

Fear is born of the world. It constantly lurks around vying for my attention.   It is an invisible assailant focused on extinguishing faith.   This is what fear looks like for me when I am not vigilant about soul maintenance:
F–fragile
E–emotional
A–alone
R–reactive

Alternatively, faith is not nurtured by the things of this temporary life, but an eternal one. Faith is a wiser choice, but it requires a constant renewing of my mind. Faith, while never perfectly mastered leads me closer to where I desire to be:
F–free
A–anchored
I–insulated
T–together
H–hopeful

Romans 12:2~Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

May we all run this race with joy and perseverance friends!   It is not efficient, but highly effective.   It is not for the weak but the wise.   It is not a promise of a perfect life but a purposeful one.   It is a promise of a perfect eternity.   That is good news!