Tag: identity

Father, Who Do You Say I Am?

- dannalundstrom

I suppose if I was someone of notoriety and Joy Behar read this she would label me insane. I would be the content of jokes, cutting remarks and sadly, many laughs. Thankfully, I am not famous, not because I am afraid of being made fun of, but because earthly power is not a necessary precursor for an eternal purpose.

I am always a work in progress. Listening. Reading. Learning. Succeeding. Failing. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I am at a point in my life where I am alright with this process as long as I keep moving forward. So much of my walk is remembering obedience precedes understanding, not vice versa. When Jesus would offer followers to come and see, He didn’t mean after you understand. My flesh wants to see and come, but that is not faith, that is futility. I am not called to figure anything out, that is contrary to my nature, however.

When God wants to teach me something new, He always layers the concept. By about the second or third time, He has my attention. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for the lesson to come, but it always does, just not on my timetable.

I am reading an excellent book that has been like a warm, affirming hug to my soul. A few nights ago, the chapter I read was about our identity. The world wants to name me. I want to identify myself, and often harshly. Shame, failure and the exhaustion of the performance treadmill many times define who I am. It is so easy to derive my identity from situational frailties rather than Savior actualities. The point of the chapter which was entitled, Becoming Who We Already Are, was to pay attention to who we believe we are and then ask the Father to show us who we are in His image, not ours, not the worlds.

I went to bed that night praying very expectantly and asking God, “Father, please show me who You say I am. I know all the well-churched answers, but my heart was desperate for a fresh word. Not a one size fits all declaration, but an individualized description.

The next morning I woke up fully expecting to be identified through something I read, heard or so on. Crickets. Waiting. Nothing. But I kept praying and asking like a needy child incessantly asking his mother the same thing over and over again. Are we there yet? Do you have an answer yet?

By yesterday morning, day two, I was feeling defeated but not utterly desperate, and I was still asking. “Father, I know I am your daughter.” Well-loved. Provided for. Secure. I fight to remember that I rest on your record, not mine. Your righteousness, not mine, but who do You say I am? Please show me.”

A short time later, I received a newsletter via email from one of my favorite ministries, Restore ministries, here in Birmingham. The title of the newsletter was, Renamed. To say my heart began beating fast is an understatement and I stopped everything I was doing to read it. I thought just maybe this was it! A letter from the Lord via a ministry. Perfect! The message did not rename or identify me, but this is what it did do. The author’s words encouraged me to keep seeking, praying and asking The Lord to show me my identity in Him. While it did not answer my question, it reinforced my resolve to continue asking and listening, so my questioning continued. I am so thankful God is a patient Father.

This leads me to last night. I was tired, emotionally and physically. The day had been challenging in different ways. Expensive repairs. Friends hurting. My own junk. I guess I do not wear my feelings very stealthy as one family member remarked, “you look emotionally exhausted.” I could not argue with that assessment.

I retired myself early, and as I was pulling my soft blanket up around me, I asked again, “Father who do you say I am.” Before I could take a breath, move or think, this is what I immediately heard in my head. Strong Warrior. Let me be clear; this was NOT an audible voice, it was a gentle whisper deep within.

I wish I could say I went to bed hearing the Hallelujah chorus, but I was a little skeptical. I sure did not feel that name coming. Also, because I was tired I fell right asleep and did not have much time to process, but I did thank God for the fresh, tailored name.

In His book, Follow The Cloud. John Stickl says whoever owns you gets to define you. This morning I have a renewed understanding of that truth. I feel strong. Much stronger than yesterday when I was letting an opportunistic enemy, my destructive thoughts and doubts define me. Once we claim an identity, it is all-encompassing. Our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and so much more are controlled by who we believe we are.

I would love to pass this exhortation along to you today, friend? Who or what are you allowing to define you? Who or what are they saying you are? May I make a suggestion? Ask The Father to show you who He says you are and wait expectantly for Him to answer. It may not be an expedient answer. Don’t lose your anticipation or faith. Be alert. It will come, but likely when you are not expecting it.

You are loved.

Peace

- dannalundstrom

I have been on a mission lately to identify and minimize or eradicate the things in my life that compromise my peace.  When I started putting ink to this stuff, I was surprised just how exhaustive my list is, and I have not unearthed it all yet.  One thing that was at the top of my list is the bad habit  I have perfected of assigning thoughts and feelings to other people.  Not many things steal my peace like this destructive practice.  You know what I am talking about, right?  When a friend does not acknowledge a text or email promptly, I can easily allow my thoughts to sabotage me.  My internal dialogue goes something like this,
“She must be mad at me.” or
“Maybe she didn’t like what I said.”

I have found that the overwhelming majority of the time I. Am. Wrong.

There are hundreds of scenarios like this that vandalize my sanity.  It is plain ridiculous.  When I get honest, though, it is much more about an unwise behavior.  There is a deeper root to the problem.  I want people to be pleased with me.  I want people to like me.  I am a forever recovering people pleaser.  There should be a support group for this kind of thing!  I am no expert but perhaps going even deeper this is about the sinful pride that lurks in my heart that I need to pray for the grace to see and uprooted daily?

In his short, but stirring book, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Tim Keller says this;
“People sometimes say their feelings are hurt. But our feelings can’t be hurt! It is the ego that hurts – my sense of self, my identity.  Our feelings are fine. It is my ego that hurts.”  “Walking around does not hurt my toe unless there is already something wrong with it .” Well, a big ‘ole ouch and Amen to that!

When my identity, worth, value, and placidity are rooted in people, I am in trouble.  There will be no peace in my heart.  I continually have to put on the attire of Christ’s atonement that sealed all those things for me at a very high cost.  Otherwise, I am simply not living free in the abundance of my Father, but a prisoner to the perceptions and permission of people.

Yesterday I Put Myself Down

- dannalundstrom 1 Comment

1cb4c5290e3e370b1cb822cd5ec03122Yesterday I put myself down.

I put myself down to a friend; a new friend that I had not even known five minutes.  She was kind enough to speak truth back to me.  You see the thing about light is; I am really good at speaking it into other people’s lives but not always my own!

I put myself down yesterday, not even an hour after I wrote these words; ‘To believe we are anything less than His beloved is to deny the work Jesus finished on the cross. I do not want to do that, but I do every day when I feel or say I am not enough.’

Yesterday with my new friend my flawed theology confronted me.  I walked to my car, and my head was hanging.  The mind missiles started to fly to the roar of something like this; “What kind of person tells everyone else to believe they are enough but cannot believe it about herself?”  “You should be ashamed!”  And I was, ashamed.

By the time I got to my car, I knew I had to go to The Lord and repent.  I didn’t need just to repent for what I said, but also for my unbelief.  I am very grateful I put myself down yesterday because The Holy Spirit used the circumstance to convict my heart, and it was a successful conviction.

Many times I have to go through an experience to have a conversion.

It is in the midst of deep exposure that I evolve.  Praise God He does not leave me where I am.  His instruction usually stings, but purpose is always a product of pain if I have the proper perspective.

So, today, as I have been meeting the demands set before me, I have been intentionally practicing my status as a beloved daughter of The King.  I repented there in my car yesterday for my unbelief, now the battle is in the fight to believe and rest in my identity as His.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving a ragamuffin like me!  Where are you not believing you are enough, friends?  Will you ask The Lord to show you if it is not already clear?  Lets fight to believe together!  Proverbs 27:17~ As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.