You Are Enough

Most days I do not have adequate time or energy to get it all done. The enemy tells me I am not enough. Living within the realm of infallible grace assures me that even on my worst days; I am always enough. You are, too, friend! Ephesians 2:8-9~ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Walking The Trials of the Trails Home

last_day

My heart is so heavy and my chest so tight tonight.  I do not know that the fires of our furnaces ever die.  I think they always simmer discretely somewhere deep within, only to be reignited by sharing in the pain of others.

I am grateful to have known suffering and, in turn, God’s mercy and love as He walks through it with us.  It is a beautiful thing to see God’s people rally around the hurting.  Prayer is a beautiful thing.  Tears are a beautiful thing because they shed the weight of our hearts so they will not implode just when it feels as if they may.  But God’s word, it is the most beautiful gift.  

When we believe the One who holds us in His hands was at the beginning and already knows the ending; it is a comfort that we cannot gain from any other source.  Having a Savior who lived a life of suffering so that He could identify with us in ours is a the balm for our bleeding hearts.  

No one can console others like travelers who have walked similar dirt roads.  Isn’t it a blessing that Jesus walked them all, and there is no path we travel that He does not understand.  

As my heart and mind keep churning, I opened my journal a minute ago to see immediately Psalm 46:10 ~ Be still and know that I am God, and that was it.  That was enough for today.  It was enough yesterday, and it will be enough forever.  

Keep praying with faith friends so that the hurting may be held up. God will bring great glory to His name through His work and His people.  All of you praying are part of God’s story.  Don’t you feel special?  What a privilege to go to the Lord on behalf of our brothers and sisters.  It is a beautiful thing, and you are all shining lights that contribute to this broken but beautiful life!  

May we all continue to walk with each other well on this journey home.  Home–that is where we are all traveling, because we are not there yet.

The Splendor of Struggle

b384045a2d1e04bb239e70626625c93c

Dear friend, whatever struggle is dominating your thoughts today is the very one that will swaddle you in strength.  It will clothe you with compassion, and it will honor you with humility.  Every painful circumstance becomes a purposeful square in the quilt you are sowing.  Embrace the opportunity in your obstacles.  Remember, when you are afraid you are available.  When you are confused, you are connected.  When you are waiting, you are watchful.  When desperate you are dependent, and when lonely you are looking.  In Jesus’s economy, weakness is the source from which all good and beautiful things grow.  May grace fill every season of growth and spring streams of joy along your journeys.

Forgivness

25f8e5ad78c9408ce79ea8385f7b4b6f

Growing in grace means everyday fragments of me are dying.  Parts of my heart, soul and deeply lodged pieces of me are dying only to be resurrected and made new.

The Lord pursues me with great persistence dressed in a patient countenance.  My current area of refinement has been a long process.  It is still ongoing. I am having to ask The Father for the obedience to surrender that part of me that is clinging on for life with a stubborn determination born of the sinful flesh that dwells within me.

Forgiveness.  It is brutal, and it is a painful death when the scars run deep over a broad span of time.  As I am struggling and wrestling with the Lord through this process, he was so kind to remind me; D’Anna, the first act of forgiveness was brutal.  It was bloody, and there was a literal death. (Matthew 27:32-55).  To deny anyone forgiveness is not to understand what my Son did for you on that day that secured your eternal victory.

When someone wounds you consistently for years, it is like death by a million paper cuts. Each cut chiseling away at your self-esteem, your confidence and strength.  I became a passive victim shackled by fear.  I convinced myself I was the crazy one.  I tried to fight back, but could not overcome.  By the grace of God through some tough circumstances, I was freed from that dynamic of dysfunction.

I have worked for the last six years to overcome the effects, and it has been hard work, but great counselors and friends have prayed, talked and walked with me through this, and it has made all the difference.  Above all, though, it has been Jesus.  He has chased me with an unrelenting faithfulness.  His love has astounded me.  He is so sweet to me, and I deserve none of it, but He lavishes me anyway.

Now, I have been brought to a time such as this where He is calling me to an act of obedience that I do not want to go through. It scares me. I have fallen on my face and prayed as Jesus did, Lord, if this cup may be taken from me, let it be; yet not as I will but as you will. (Matthew 26:39)

It is not often that we have full clarity for handling life’s situations.  However, I have it in regards to this one.  My lack of compliance would be to deny the greatest gift I have ever received.  Forgiveness, when there is no repentance or acknowledgment of wrongdoing, is hard because it is so incredibly costly for me, but Jesus’ death shows me that is right because He sacrificed the ultimate for me.  Therefore, I can do it for Him.

Each time I tell Jesus how unequipped I am for this job, he whispers to me, my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) That is how I will do this.  I trust His grace will be sufficient for me when I cannot assimilate the courage or desire myself.

Forgiveness without repentance is a dying of self out a desire to obey My Savior, not the sinner.  It means I understand the debt that was paid for me while I was and still am a sinner, too.  It does not always mean we are in a relationship again. It does not mean that person/persons will be allowed access to break personal boundaries and bash my psyche. It means a freeing from the toxic control of my mind from another.  In the coming days as I prepare for this, I continue to trust that the Lord will strengthen me and uphold me with his victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)  My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak. (Matthew 26:41)

Is there someone you need to forgive today?  I know it is hard, but it is holy.  If I can do this by God’s grace, you can, too.  We do not have to be staring at bars to be imprisoned.  I desire to be set free, and I pray for your release, also.

A Place of Belonging

773112262a7a4bdc76a2734351294c28

There is no greater place than a place of belonging.  May we have eyes to see those around us that have no circle of acceptance; and the discernment to identify the times when we are searching for refuge in things that were never meant to be our safe sanctuary.  Jesus give us the grace to know where our true fountain of comfort and peace flows, our belonging place.  May we strip off the weight of busyness so we may notice who needs to be seen and refuel in our places of shelter.  Amen.

Pursuing Perfection is to Deny Jesus

91e4752abea2deda552b1f353e1bdafb

Perfectionism.  We all chase it.  None of us will ever achieve it, but we often run ourselves into the ground trying.

Pursuing perfection is to deny what Jesus did for us.  

He died an excruciating death not only to save us from our sins but also to impart His perfect righteousness to us.  That means it is no secret we alone are inadequate.  It is inevitable that we will fail as a parent, friend, spouse…  Someone else will always do better that which we desire to do.

Why do we keep exhausting ourselves to obtain what has already been secured on our behalf?  God made no mistakes when He created you or me.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses.  We either believe in his plan and find peace or we deny His sovereignty and continue striving.

Father, I ask that you help your children embrace the gifts given to us.  When we accept who we were created to be and quit striving to be who we are not; we are free to find where our purpose intersects our passion, and it is then that we will impact the world; not in a perfect way but in your providential way.  Amen.

Scandalous Vulnerability

4fdbd1110e26270e1b1bc178190f1d40

It is out of our bleeding that we are equipped to become blessings. God’s word says that it is in our suffering that we become qualified to be comforters of those who follow the beaten paths we have traveled~2 Corinthians 1:4.  No one precisely understands like someone who has worn our shoes. No one relates as one who has followed our journey. We acquire so much healing power along the broken roads we travel.

Trails of brokenness where expectations are shattered, wholeness is lost, and life intersects the realities of a fallen world are the very places we are made into the image of Christ. They are the moments HE becomes real to us. They are the hollow spaces that Jesus becomes a necessity and not a duty, a Savior and not a story book character.

Why do we try to conceal our wounds?  In our shame, we dress them up and disguise them, only holding our souls hostage.  In reality, they are beautiful stories that are filled with so many opportunities to help others, and in turn, heal us.  Our trials are signs that something threatened us, but we overcame.  They are painful, but in all their pain lies a power that only we possess to set free.  A power to heal and share that healing with a friend.  As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.~ Proverbs 27:17.

May we all use our wounds to bless not depress; encourage not discourage; connect not conceal; heal and not hide.  We all share a common brokenness in this life.  We can let that brokenness be ruled and concealed by toxic shame, or we can choose a different course. Many things can be taken from us in this life, but the power to choose our thoughts belongs to us alone, it just takes intentional discipline and sometimes an outright fight between the enemy that pursues us, and the Spirit that dwells within us.

The choice to choose to use our wounds to heal, free and connect takes courage and a great act of faith, not to mention vulnerability.  Scandalous vulnerability is a beautiful thing!  It says I am HIS, He has paid my debt, and I am free to be broken because Jesus made me whole.  It is in this place of sharing and connecting that we discover we are all more alike than different.  We find that we are not an anomaly, we are normal.  I pray for the grace to choose faith over fear and scandalous vulnerability over safety.  I am not saying it will be easy; it won’t but it will be eternal.  What is right is often painful, and what is painless is often not right.

Once I savored the freedom of Christ imparted righteousness, and consequential vulnerability, it was the setting free of a hidden soul.  The freedom is yours too friends.  You just have to choose it.

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made
You make me brave ~Amanda Cook

 

Perfectly Imperfect

934b04d9fe187fd8d1778cd86f80c3eb

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.  Her children stand and bless her.  Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”  Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Does this crush you?  It sure does me if I am using it as a motto to live instead of a model to learn!  I cannot measure up to this, and I cannot think of anyone who does.  This passage is not meant to condemn us, though, but rather point us to our need for Jesus.  Also, the last part is the concept we all need to grasp. A woman who fears The Lord will be greatly praised.  Fear in this sense does not have a negative connotation, but a positive one.  Do we live in reverence, of God, desiring to please Him and be obedient to His will?  Do we do this to make ourselves look good, or because we understand the sacrifice Jesus endured for us, and we want to honor Him out of an understanding of the deep love He has for us? A love so sincere and pure that he died for us.  If we try to be good out of our strength we will never measure up; we will be crushed by our failures.

Mom shame is one of the deadliest tools of the enemy that depletes our self-worth, peace,  joy and contentment.  We have all experienced it, and we have all felt the condemnation that accompanies it.

Yesterday morning was one of those less than stellar mom mornings for me.  I was feeling remnants of anger and frustration from an event the night before, and the scurry of the morning had further contributed to my agitation.

In my sinfulness, at a point along our drive during morning carpool, I pounded my hand hard on the steering wheel.  I spoke no words, but my action resounded loudly.

Immediately I felt shame and convicted by The Lord.  I had just modeled very ungodly behavior for my children. It threatened my “good mom righteousness,” (which is sinful in itself, but that is a whole other post!) and I felt condemned.

After the kids had gotten out of the car, I pulled over and prayed a prayer of repentance and then asked Jesus to help me rest under the warm, peaceful shade of the promise given in Isaiah 30:15~ In repentance and rest is your salvation.

After getting right with The Lord, I knew I had to apologize to my children.  Boy, that is a lot of fun! Humility is holy, but sometimes very hard.

I sent both kids a text that read: I modeled bad behavior for you this morning.  I am sorry I let the frustration in my heart show itself in my action this morning.  I have repented and asked Jesus for forgiveness.  I am also asking for forgiveness from both of you.  I was wrong, and that is why I need Jesus every day!  Love you both, Mom.

The Lord was merciful as He showed me there is good that comes even from my goof ups if I am seeking Him.  After repenting, I felt at peace.  God can bring redemption to every story in our book of life.  He showed me that sometimes my biggest mess ups are my best means to teach my children lessons of eternal value; such as repentance, prayer, and most importantly how much we all need a Savior!

Moms, give yourself a break.  Nowhere does it say we should be perfect, just progressing.  When your brokenness comes knocking, and it will, model for your children how to restore it in a way that redeems and glorifies the Lord.  Sometimes it is our biggest mistakes that convey our best messages when we frame them in the context of the gospel!

Perfectly imperfect,
D’Anna

The Word of My Heart, Obedience

108196178-2

Sometimes The Lord puts words or phrases on my heart, and I earnestly pray to seek and pursue them. The last couple of months the word has been obedience not to the world but the word.  Sometimes my biggest problem is my eyes are focused more on myself and less on my Savior.  Praying John 3:30 has been a powerful prescription for that!  Self-preoccupation suffocates joy out of my soul.  Lord give me a heart and hands obedient to You, not comfortable to me so that my earthly work may be of eternal worth. Amen.  Have a good day friends!

Go Forth and Give

  
A wise person once said that in giving we receive.  May I add that when we receive we are inspired to give.  When our hearts are full, they overflow and spread.  We have received the most valuable gift; a secure today in the face of an unsure tomorrow.  A Savior was born and because we have received much let us go forth and give much.