The last month The LORD has been working a lot in my heart. Specifically in two ways I am aware of and probably in others that I am unconsciously aware, too. Life is hard! Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. Life is hard!
Recently we have been dealing with a difficult issue that broke my heart for all parties involved that arose from gossip. I think we all forget, gossip is a sin. I know I have to be very mindful of it. A very knowledgeable friend gave me the best advice I have ever received regarding gossip; ”If you are not part of the problem or the solution, then you should not be talking.” That is very sound counsel that I try to use as a filter for my words before I speak. I am imperfect. I am also vulnerable to the devastation of gossip, as is everyone breathing.
As I have been reeling in pain lately, an older, wiser friend reminded me, “D’Anna, God your Father is much greater than you a mother, spouse, daughter, friend…” At that moment, her words were the balm for my aching soul. Although I was deeply affected by what happened, I was reminded I was not, and never am fully in charge of anyone’s well-being, even my children. God is in charge, and His ways are always perfect, although sometimes very painful!
The second way the Lord has been refining me is that I did not realize how much responsibility I was carrying for people’s actions around me. I am quick to forget that I am only responsible for myself, and while I may play a role in how people act, I am not responsible. They are! Taking responsibility has been a tremendous amount of weight I have been bearing.
Recently when I was sitting in quiet reflection, these words became audible in my head. “No matter how someone acts, it should not affect how you are called to react.” Does that mean I do not respond at all? No. It simply means God originally designed me to react in a manner that is pleasing to Him, not me. Also, I am not responsible for the actions of others–they are. Friends, starting to understand that concept is the beginning of a large dose of freedom. Practicing this has allowed me to love better and live bolder. It is like getting a haircut, having a thorough house cleaning or getting all the laundry done. You just feel lighter!
Taking on the responsibility for the actions of others crushes us and allows the enemy to win. He does not want us delivered; he wants us defeated. Taking the liability for your prodigal child, your struggling spouse, your suffering friend or whomever in your life that you are enmeshed with creates insanity. We definitely have a role in the lives and circumstances of the people we love, but NOT ultimate responsibility. God The Father is much bigger than we the (fill in the blank.) Who are you bearing responsibility for today? Lay them at the feet of Jesus and pray for them because YOU cannot perfect them. May you all be free to let your Father be in charge today and every day.