Walking The Trials of the Trails Home

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My heart is so heavy and my chest so tight tonight.  I do not know that the fires of our furnaces ever die.  I think they always simmer discretely somewhere deep within, only to be reignited by sharing in the pain of others.

I am grateful to have known suffering and, in turn, God’s mercy and love as He walks through it with us.  It is a beautiful thing to see God’s people rally around the hurting.  Prayer is a beautiful thing.  Tears are a beautiful thing because they shed the weight of our hearts so they will not implode just when it feels as if they may.  But God’s word, it is the most beautiful gift.  

When we believe the One who holds us in His hands was at the beginning and already knows the ending; it is a comfort that we cannot gain from any other source.  Having a Savior who lived a life of suffering so that He could identify with us in ours is a the balm for our bleeding hearts.  

No one can console others like travelers who have walked similar dirt roads.  Isn’t it a blessing that Jesus walked them all, and there is no path we travel that He does not understand.  

As my heart and mind keep churning, I opened my journal a minute ago to see immediately Psalm 46:10 ~ Be still and know that I am God, and that was it.  That was enough for today.  It was enough yesterday, and it will be enough forever.  

Keep praying with faith friends so that the hurting may be held up. God will bring great glory to His name through His work and His people.  All of you praying are part of God’s story.  Don’t you feel special?  What a privilege to go to the Lord on behalf of our brothers and sisters.  It is a beautiful thing, and you are all shining lights that contribute to this broken but beautiful life!  

May we all continue to walk with each other well on this journey home.  Home–that is where we are all traveling, because we are not there yet.

A Place of Belonging

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There is no greater place than a place of belonging.  May we have eyes to see those around us that have no circle of acceptance; and the discernment to identify the times when we are searching for refuge in things that were never meant to be our safe sanctuary.  Jesus give us the grace to know where our true fountain of comfort and peace flows, our belonging place.  May we strip off the weight of busyness so we may notice who needs to be seen and refuel in our places of shelter.  Amen.

Word of God Speak

I was having a conversation with God while driving down 280 yesterday.   I was praising him for finally breaking His silence and working in what has felt like a place I have been stuck for a long time.   As I was mentally speaking to Him, these beautiful words graced my mind;

“sometimes I leave you places not because it is the path of your destiny but the process of your destination.”  

Wow!   Thank you Jesus for loving me so personally!   He loves you that much, too, friends, but He cannot speak to you if you are not meeting Him daily in conversation.

A Love to 2015

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As the hours of another year fade, I am thinking about the things, the hard ones, that I would have never chosen in 2015, but they chose me.   They brought much grief but were always accompanied by gratitude.

Our years are made of days, some ordinary and some extraordinary.   Those days, the ordinary and the extraordinary, occasionally conquer but also create us.   They sometimes shatter us but subsequently sharpen us.   We experience triumphs, and we endure tragedies.   Some days break us only to build us. Days can be messy but NOT without meaning.   Refinement and restoration marry well with an available heart.

The self-reliant use tallies of good and bad days to calculate the success of their year.   It is perspective and the pursuit of meaning and quality of growth amidst days, broken and beautiful, that the surrendered use to measure theirs.   May I always evaluate my years from a position of obedience to the word, not obtainments of the world.

This year has felt like another year of wandering in the Psalms for me.   I have been desperate, and I have been dependent.   I have lamented, and I have praised.   The year cultivated both difficult and defining memories. It was pretty, and it was painful.   I have learned that all years are as long as we are living under the sun.

2015 was a reminder that the goal of life is not happiness because it is not happiness that brokers comfortable homes; but joy outside of circumstances found in a Savior that breeds content hearts.
I am reflecting on all the fragments of the past year, the brutal and the beautiful, and placing them within the context of Romans 8:28 today. ~And we know that God causes everything to work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I can find meaning in much of the messiness, but there are other situations; however, I am still waiting.   I am aware as Deuteronomy 29:29 tells me, I may never understand.   Some things are only to be known by The Lord.   Many circumstances are unfair. I am tempted to wonder how God could be working right from something seemingly so wrong?   It is here that I must exercise unreasonable faith, not in circumstances I see but in a creator, I trust.   I am slow to submit daily my exclusory perspective to God’s eternal plan.   It is here, in the stuck places, I have to put away all the “whys” and rest in Who.   I do not say this lightly because this is a difficult assignment, but we are not called to an assurance of facts, but an acceptance of our Father.

We can view life through skeptical-glasses or Savior-glasses.   It is a choice and a very crucial one. 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011… They all had obstacles that shook and shaped me; not to my final destination but towards my desired direction.   It has been those dreaded moments, the broken ones, that have rendered the sweetest fruit. So while some are saying so long 2015, I cannot wait to forget you; I am saying may I always remember you.

Meaning is often disguised within the parameters of messy.   Jesus was born in the most unclean of environments.   Isn’t it beautiful how the sloppiest of circumstances can become sacred.   Jesus was crucified and suffered a painful death with the intent to secure the salvation of a sinner like me.   It is no wonder that pain is piercing, but priceless because our eternity was founded on that principal.

Thank you 2015 for all the opportunities you provided God to prune and protect me.   Thank you for all the sorrow that stretched me.   Growth is most fertile when planted in the soil of grief.   Thank you for the tears of pain and the tears of joy.   Thank you for the portraits of beauty and the scribbles of brokenness. Mostly 2015, thank you for transporting me deeper into a relationship with my Savior.

Welcome, 2016.   I know your terrain will be one indigenous of peaks and valleys.   I also know it is my triumphs over your tribulations that are for my growth and God’s glory.   May I be a good steward of all you behold, the pleasant and the unpleasant.   This year, nor any ahead, as I have finally learned, will I evaluate by happiness or success, but holiness and stewardship of the shattered and the shiny moments that meet me down roads I do not yet know I will travel.   What a blessing to enter a new year given the grace to understand that!

Happy New Year to all. May you be rich enough to embrace prosperity and rattled enough to experience your Savior.   Holiest of New Years, friends.

Heart Reformations

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My success rate with New Year resolutions is 0%; therefore, I am not a fan!   I have been “planning” consistent commitment to exercise for more than half my life.   That goal was just a picture absent of prayer that bred exhausted expectations void of any rewarding realizations.   Healthy resolutions will not prosper without heart reformations.   I do not need a new year to be a new me, and neither do you.   We can be made new any day, any month and any year when it is not about us who corrects our habits, but He who changes our heart.   Progress only thrives in the shadows of prayer, and growth is granted under the wings of grace.   Without turning over control from self to Savior resolutions become rejections and dates breed despair.   Results come from my Provider, not my power and by His appointments not my agenda.   1 John 4:4…for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

The Word of My Heart, Obedience

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Sometimes The Lord puts words or phrases on my heart, and I earnestly pray to seek and pursue them. The last couple of months the word has been obedience not to the world but the word.  Sometimes my biggest problem is my eyes are focused more on myself and less on my Savior.  Praying John 3:30 has been a powerful prescription for that!  Self-preoccupation suffocates joy out of my soul.  Lord give me a heart and hands obedient to You, not comfortable to me so that my earthly work may be of eternal worth. Amen.  Have a good day friends!

Falling At the Feet of Jesus

 

One of the most endearing things about our dog, Paisley, is a ritual she has had since the day we got her. She prances up to you and falls to her back in the most relaxed and vulnerable state of rest.
What we quickly learned is that Paisley does this entirely trusting a belly rub is in store for her. She has no doubt just complete confidence.
For a time, she would do this to everyone who entered our house. It became an idiosyncrasy that we always felt needed explanation. As someone walks in our door, having a puppy garner their attention only to fall at their feet in an utterly defenseless posture waiting for the one thing she desired the most. Well, ok, maybe second to treats, but who doesn’t love sweets!
After time passed and Paisley matured, she no longer greeted guests this way; only us. The people closest to her and that she was sure she could trust. You see, she learned to fear, and she experienced rejection and I would say she learned a bit of wisdom. Warm, welcoming hands are not found everywhere.
Her behavior has taught and continues to teach me a great lesson every day. Do I come humbly, fully expectant, entirely trusting, in a helpless, vulnerable posture and fall at the feet of Jesus every day waiting for the one thing I desire most? The one thing I cannot do for myself. The one thing that satisfies my soul. The one and the only thing that gives rest to my riddled heart. Maybe I do sometimes, but sometimes, even though I have learned fear and rejection, too, I still plant myself in susceptible situations expecting to find what I can only gain through One person-Jesus. The person who knows loves and protects me better than anyone. This is a lesson Paisley renews for me daily.
Sometimes the truth must fracture me before it frees me. I love the faithfulness of my Father to use every medium, even a small puppy, to teach me His character and what it means to be His daughter.

Give Me Presence Not Plans, Lord

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We are a world of Martha’s, Lord.  May I serve with and be surrounded by hearts like Mary.  Let me not be captive to responsibilities but concerned by relationships.  May I be present with people and not preoccupied with plans because if today never matures into tomorrow, it will not be productivity but presence that mattered.  Amen.

A Gentle and Quiet Heart

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When I am neglectful of my quiet time, the first place it shows up is in my negligence with others.  Luke 6:26~Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart.  It is so important for me to evaluate the contents of my heart daily.  When I fail to do this, I am susceptible to an unsettled and unkind heart.  Just a few things that prevent a gentle and quiet heart for me are fear, anxiety, worry, control (which are all unbelief), anger, unforgiveness, unconfessed sin, fatigue, and lastly a need for people to understand me.  These are all explanations but must never be excuses.

Father, my heart is susceptible to clutter. When I fail to recognize it and bring it all to you; I inexcusably give it to others. Actualize in me a keen awareness of what is taking refuge in my heart so I may rest in your strength to transform the unholy into holy. Remind me that many of these things that unsettle my heart are about me elevating myself and excluding you. It is so easy in my the makings of my days to forget to call on you as my director instead of my default. May your name be the song of my lips so that I readily enact you in times of praise and pandemonium. Thank you for loving me in all my messiness. Amen.

Peace is Found in Purpose Not Perfection

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Perfectionism.  We all chase it.  None of us will ever achieve it, but we often run ourselves into the ground trying.

Pursuing perfection is to deny what Jesus did for us.  

He died an excruciating death not only to save us from our sins but also to impart His perfect righteousness to us.  That means it is no secret we alone are inadequate.  It is inevitable that we will fail as a parent, friend, spouse…  Someone else will always do better that which we desire to do.

Why do we keep exhausting ourselves to obtain what has already been secured on our behalf?  God made no mistakes when He created you or me.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses.  We either believe in his plan and find peace or we deny His sovereignty and continue striving.

Father, I ask that you help your children embrace the gifts given to us.  When we accept who we were created to be and quit striving to be who we are not; we are free to find where our purpose intersects our passion, and it is then that we will impact the world; not in a perfect way but in your pre-planned way.  Amen.