The Freedom of Self-Forgiveness

Dear friend,

Do you need to forgive yourself for a mistake but you cannot seem to find the freedom to do so despite your aching desire? If God has forgiven you and me, and He should be the only person that matters, why is it so hard for us to do?
I think sometimes it is easier for me to feel shame or flagrant self-pity, which are both convincing imposters of comfort. Other times I am prone to unconsciously acquiesce to the faulty theology that God does not freely forgive me when I repent and ask for forgiveness.

My unbelief leads me to trust it comes when I earn it when I have worked hard enough when I have paid what I deem to be a reasonable penalty when I have beat myself up enough and more self-imposed modes of retribution, none of which ever are enough. Notice the word; I was used five times in the preceding sentence. Therein lies my problem. I maximize my faulty resourcefulness and minimize my Savior’s free reward. God’s love and forgiveness never change, my remembrance to rest in that truth does.

I love today’s wisdom from Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest: “The message of the prophets is that although they have forsaken God, it has not altered God. The Apostle Paul emphasizes the same truth that God remains God even when we are unfaithful (see 2 Timothy 2:13). Never interpret God as changing with our changes. He never does; there is no variableness in Him.”

Isaiah 30:15 is critical for me to turn towards and commit to daily, repeating it to myself, sometimes out loud, to “train my brain” to default there instead of destructing elsewhere. It says: For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said: “In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.”
One parallel verse is Isaiah 45:22 ~ Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other. Those two verses, along with multitudes of others are like the cover of a shady tree on a sweltering day. So often the help I need is readily available to me, I am just slow to remember it as my first line of defense instead of my last lane of desperation.  

God’s light is always on.

You are loved.

Father, Who Do You Say I Am?

I suppose if I was someone of notoriety and Joy Behar read this she would label me insane. I would be the content of jokes, cutting remarks and sadly, many laughs. Thankfully, I am not famous, not because I am afraid of being made fun of, but because earthly power is not a necessary precursor for an eternal purpose.

I am always a work in progress. Listening. Reading. Learning. Succeeding. Failing. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I am at a point in my life where I am alright with this process as long as I keep moving forward. So much of my walk is remembering obedience precedes understanding, not vice versa. When Jesus would offer followers to come and see, He didn’t mean after you understand. My flesh wants to see and come, but that is not faith, that is futility. I am not called to figure anything out, that is contrary to my nature, however.

When God wants to teach me something new, He always layers the concept. By about the second or third time, He has my attention. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for the lesson to come, but it always does, just not on my timetable.

I am reading an excellent book that has been like a warm, affirming hug to my soul. A few nights ago, the chapter I read was about our identity. The world wants to name me. I want to identify myself, and often harshly. Shame, failure and the exhaustion of the performance treadmill many times define who I am. It is so easy to derive my identity from situational frailties rather than Savior actualities. The point of the chapter which was entitled, Becoming Who We Already Are, was to pay attention to who we believe we are and then ask the Father to show us who we are in His image, not ours, not the worlds.

I went to bed that night praying very expectantly and asking God, “Father, please show me who You say I am. I know all the well-churched answers, but my heart was desperate for a fresh word. Not a one size fits all declaration, but an individualized description.

The next morning I woke up fully expecting to be identified through something I read, heard or so on. Crickets. Waiting. Nothing. But I kept praying and asking like a needy child incessantly asking his mother the same thing over and over again. Are we there yet? Do you have an answer yet?

By yesterday morning, day two, I was feeling defeated but not utterly desperate, and I was still asking. “Father, I know I am your daughter.” Well-loved. Provided for. Secure. I fight to remember that I rest on your record, not mine. Your righteousness, not mine, but who do You say I am? Please show me.”

A short time later, I received a newsletter via email from one of my favorite ministries, Restore ministries, here in Birmingham. The title of the newsletter was, Renamed. To say my heart began beating fast is an understatement and I stopped everything I was doing to read it. I thought just maybe this was it! A letter from the Lord via a ministry. Perfect! The message did not rename or identify me, but this is what it did do. The author’s words encouraged me to keep seeking, praying and asking The Lord to show me my identity in Him. While it did not answer my question, it reinforced my resolve to continue asking and listening, so my questioning continued. I am so thankful God is a patient Father.

This leads me to last night. I was tired, emotionally and physically. The day had been challenging in different ways. Expensive repairs. Friends hurting. My own junk. I guess I do not wear my feelings very stealthy as one family member remarked, “you look emotionally exhausted.” I could not argue with that assessment.

I retired myself early, and as I was pulling my soft blanket up around me, I asked again, “Father who do you say I am.” Before I could take a breath, move or think, this is what I immediately heard in my head. Strong Warrior. Let me be clear; this was NOT an audible voice, it was a gentle whisper deep within.

I wish I could say I went to bed hearing the Hallelujah chorus, but I was a little skeptical. I sure did not feel that name coming. Also, because I was tired I fell right asleep and did not have much time to process, but I did thank God for the fresh, tailored name.

In His book, Follow The Cloud. John Stickl says whoever owns you gets to define you. This morning I have a renewed understanding of that truth. I feel strong. Much stronger than yesterday when I was letting an opportunistic enemy, my destructive thoughts and doubts define me. Once we claim an identity, it is all-encompassing. Our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and so much more are controlled by who we believe we are.

I would love to pass this exhortation along to you today, friend? Who or what are you allowing to define you? Who or what are they saying you are? May I make a suggestion? Ask The Father to show you who He says you are and wait expectantly for Him to answer. It may not be an expedient answer. Don’t lose your anticipation or faith. Be alert. It will come, but likely when you are not expecting it.

You are loved.

What If You Get It Wrong?

Recently, I was struggling with an important decision. It was tearing me apart as I was allowing the lies of the enemy to compromise what I know to be true.  I was lamenting to a trusted and wise friend that my fear was I would get it wrong.  My friend said to me, “D’Anna, what if you do get it wrong?”  It was then that I remembered that Jesus’ gift of salvation does not come with a qualifier that I get it all right.  If my performance was a qualification, that would mean I have some responsibility for my salvation and in my eyes, I would never be enough.  How exhausting that would be!

Thankfully, I can take no credit for my eternal destiny.  Any good work I do is as a result of the Holy Spirit’s presence, not my power.  I cannot even take credit for faith, for it is from God, as well. (Ephesians 2:8).

Are you wrestling with getting something wrong today?  Has the idea of not being perfect or falling short thrown a dark disguise over the veil of truth that is meant to set you free? (John 8:32).  I pray if you find yourself here, you take the hand of truth today.

Father, I repent of the times I fail to believe. Help me and my friend remember that you and your promises are the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) AMEN.

Purpose Amidst Imperfection 

Nestled amidst the sunrise of a fresh week and all the promise it holds is an ever faithful reminder of my inadequacy. I am presently, but peacefully aware that I got more wrong than right last week, and that will surely be my truth this week as well.

My keen sense of insufficiency poses a different purpose for me now, though. Growing in grace teaches me that it is no longer about striving for perfection only to be frustrated, but seeking purpose amidst my imperfection only to be furthered.

 It is an incongruent truth that on the other side of our failures is an intention designed for our prosperity. 

Understanding that falling down is not a shameful thing, but a sacred tool is the genesis of praise. Praise opens the door and welcomes gratitude right into our hearts.

When gratitude is our guest, we see through all the heavy right into the heart of the holy, and joy becomes a source of our strength. 

This week, friend, I pray you have eyes to see and ears to hear all the beauty that your brokenness beholds, and your heart will sing, it is good and it is well with my soul.
You are loved.❤️

Prone to Wander

There was a time when I thought I was a good person, (notice the emphasis on I).  Growing in grace has enabled me to see with my eyes, understand with my mind and confess with my mouth that there is nothing good about me alone except the holy, blameless, good and loving God who dwells within me.  Sometimes even my best intentions are peppered with pride.  It is when I remember my utter depravity that I became free to rejoice in The Lord’s unparalleled adequacy.  Lord Jesus, I confess I am a mess.  I am prone to wander, clothing myself in filthy rags and seeking perfection, approval, and satisfaction from the false God’s of idolatry.  Grant me the blessing of quick detection and correction when my heart turns from you, Father.  At the end of every road of obstinance is death; while the path of obedience leads to life.  May your truth be my compass so that all glory shines on you, my Savior, not myself.  Amen.

The Inherent Word of God


While the grievous news of the world may be watered down, weeded out and written to suit fleshly desires, the good news of the Gospel cannot.  God’s Word comforts me and gives me true hope, but honestly friends; it also disturbs me because I cannot manipulate it to accommodate the sin that so easily entangles me. When I begin to change, rearrange or “modernize” the Gospel, His Word becomes corrupted by my will; and I make God in my image rather than Him making me in His.  If I am not disrupted by The Word of God, then He is not God in my life.

Fallen but Forgiven

c0f0a014d0ca6c9b6745b46b89df2196Dear friend, I know you need to hear this today. It is perfectly normal that you are both a masterpiece and a mess simultaneously. You may say, “I do not feel like much of a masterpiece right now, but Oh, you are! See, it is confirmed here in God’s infallible word~Ephesians 2:10~ For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus. Yes, it is true you are a mixed bag. So am I! That is because we live in a fallen world, of fallen people, with fallen laws, fallen morals and a ferocious enemy who wants you to believe fallible ideas about yourself. Not one of us is perfect, but our freedom is not in our perfection; it is in the truth that we are fallen citizens, but forgiven children! You are loved!

The Face of Danger is Not Always Evil

 

934b04d9fe187fd8d1778cd86f80c3eb

Children should not go to public bathrooms alone, nor should teen girls.  I always tell my daughter to take a friend if I am not with her.  I do not tell her this because I am concerned about any particular population of people other than PREDATORS.  Predators do not fit the image we want to mold them into to make ourselves feel comfortable.  They are rarely a face that signals danger, and they are prone to hang out in places we deem to be the safest.

It is hard for us to face the reality of evil being packaged so nice and neatly in places we trust.  We are much more comfortable making “different” people the enemy because it makes us feel better.

We have to wake up and know this disillusion is one way we make ourselves and our children vulnerable to the depravity of our fallen world.

Also, I know I am stepping on some toes, but Jesus did not hang out with the self-righteous, the do-gooders, the know it alls.  Luke 5:32 ~”I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”  He went straight for hearts broken by sin, (that would include all of us), not built by superiority.

I do not believe if He walked this world today that He would shun away any population of people.  It is easy to forget that; we are ALL people.  Jesus did not come to shame people with law, but to shower them with love.  The best way to make an impact on someone is how well you love them as they are and not how you think they should be.  Yes, we must speak the truth; but we must say it swaddled in love or not speak at all; otherwise all is lost.

 “Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws.  Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it.” ~Tim Keller