Tag: unbelief

The Freedom of Self-Forgiveness

- dannalundstrom

Dear friend,

Do you need to forgive yourself for a mistake but you cannot seem to find the freedom to do so despite your aching desire? If God has forgiven you and me, and He should be the only person that matters, why is it so hard for us to do?
I think sometimes it is easier for me to feel shame or flagrant self-pity, which are both convincing imposters of comfort. Other times I am prone to unconsciously acquiesce to the faulty theology that God does not freely forgive me when I repent and ask for forgiveness.

My unbelief leads me to trust it comes when I earn it when I have worked hard enough when I have paid what I deem to be a reasonable penalty when I have beat myself up enough and more self-imposed modes of retribution, none of which ever are enough. Notice the word; I was used five times in the preceding sentence. Therein lies my problem. I maximize my faulty resourcefulness and minimize my Savior’s free reward. God’s love and forgiveness never change, my remembrance to rest in that truth does.

I love today’s wisdom from Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest: “The message of the prophets is that although they have forsaken God, it has not altered God. The Apostle Paul emphasizes the same truth that God remains God even when we are unfaithful (see 2 Timothy 2:13). Never interpret God as changing with our changes. He never does; there is no variableness in Him.”

Isaiah 30:15 is critical for me to turn towards and commit to daily, repeating it to myself, sometimes out loud, to “train my brain” to default there instead of destructing elsewhere. It says: For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said: “In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.”
One parallel verse is Isaiah 45:22 ~ Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other. Those two verses, along with multitudes of others are like the cover of a shady tree on a sweltering day. So often the help I need is readily available to me, I am just slow to remember it as my first line of defense instead of my last lane of desperation.  

God’s light is always on.

You are loved.

Control

- dannalundstrom

Control is an insidious intruder. I have to be very intentional to guard myself against it, and even when I am aware, it is tricky. It sneaks into every relationship and situation often undetected. One reason control is so deceptive is that sometimes it is called “helping,” and isn’t that a noble thing to do? In some situations, yes; but often when I find myself saying, “I am just trying to “help” you, that can frequently be transposed to mean, I am trying to control you or the situation. When I dissect my misdirected helpfulness, fear is often at the root; and I have come to learn that although sometimes fear is an understandable reaction, it can also be an UNBELIEVING reflection that says God will not get it right. Lord Jesus, you are in control, not me. Sometimes hidden fears lurk in the deepest recesses of my heart, and I seek a false sense of safety by “suggesting,” fixing or doing which only translates to control. Help my unbelief, Father. Give me the grace to lay my fear and desire to “fix” within your power, not my performance.

Won’t You Come Home

- dannalundstrom

 

When my heart is weighed down with worry, anchored by anxiety, when self-pity, condemnation, guilt, and shame are my companions, at the very core of all of them is one problem.  Unbelief.  It is incredibly important to my peace that I examine my theology daily, and recognize areas where I am not living out of the promises of God.  Life without internal scrutiny is life without inner serenity.  The consequence of unbelief is that I begin to live out of the peril of my circumstances rather than the promises of my Creator.  We all fall victim to unbelief, and often unconsciously, but as with anything else recognition is the first step to redemption.  Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, Ephesians 3:20 and Philippians 1:6 are just a few of the verses I regularly have to ask myself, am I living as though I believe these promises?  If my answer is no, and many times it is, I have to repent and ask God to help my unbelief.  It is then that I am equipped to rest not just in His existence, but also His essence.  Where are you not believing today, friend?  Won’t you come home to the rich resources for which you were ransomed?  It isn’t that life will become painless, but it will become more about the hope and character of Who is inside you and less about the hardship and calamity that is around you.

Give Me Grace

- dannalundstrom

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Jesus when loved ones are struggling, relationships are shaky, people are ailing, help me resist the desire to fix what is.  May I remember that scrambling for solutions can become a form of control and unbelief.  Keep me cognizant that it takes more courage and faith to release my most precious treasures to You, free of my clinging hands.  Allow me to care without control, hold without hovering and support without suffocating all people and situations I encounter today and each day forward.  Jesus grant me the grace that enables me to rest not carefree, but confidently in your sovereignty amidst the backdrop of a broken world.  Amen.

To Believe Or Not Believe, That is the Question

- dannalundstrom

I made a commitment to myself at the end of the primaries not to comment on politics on social media because I did not think it was wise or helpful and I am not well versed enough to be credible.  do feel led to say this, though.  I went to bed last night, and I am pretty sure my blood was boiling.  I was anxious; my soul was very unsettled, and I was angry.  There are things in both candidates that bring out anger in me that I shutter to know is there when stoked.  They both succeeded in different ways at fanning those flames last night.

The hypocrisy and arrogance, from both parties, last night, along with the barrage of social media posts lamenting our choices, sent me to bed a mess of emotions and feeling despair. I was praying and talking to Jesus in an attempt to calm myself.  There in the dark last night, The Lord reminded me of something very critical that I think we all need to remember, myself included!  All my anger, anxiety, lamenting and despair is just a form of UNBELIEF in who God is and the character that He possesses.  

Tim Keller says many of us believe in God, but do not believe God.

Last night I had to ask myself that question.  I believe in Him, but am I going to trust Him? If I am going to choose His word, which I am, then my terms can not be conditional.  Even when things look dreadful, and circumstances appear unredeemable, God is good, faithful, sovereign and working good in the midst of our gaffes.  He has plans for the good and prosperity of his children, and He can do immeasurably more with a mess than any of us can begin to imagine.

Today friends, I pray that if you believe in God, you will choose along with me to fight to believe God.  There is a very critical difference in the two.  When we intentionally make a choice not just to believe in him but believe Him, our lives will reflect that is our posts and our peace.  I love you all!

Yesterday I Put Myself Down

- dannalundstrom 1 Comment

1cb4c5290e3e370b1cb822cd5ec03122Yesterday I put myself down.

I put myself down to a friend; a new friend that I had not even known five minutes.  She was kind enough to speak truth back to me.  You see the thing about light is; I am really good at speaking it into other people’s lives but not always my own!

I put myself down yesterday, not even an hour after I wrote these words; ‘To believe we are anything less than His beloved is to deny the work Jesus finished on the cross. I do not want to do that, but I do every day when I feel or say I am not enough.’

Yesterday with my new friend my flawed theology confronted me.  I walked to my car, and my head was hanging.  The mind missiles started to fly to the roar of something like this; “What kind of person tells everyone else to believe they are enough but cannot believe it about herself?”  “You should be ashamed!”  And I was, ashamed.

By the time I got to my car, I knew I had to go to The Lord and repent.  I didn’t need just to repent for what I said, but also for my unbelief.  I am very grateful I put myself down yesterday because The Holy Spirit used the circumstance to convict my heart, and it was a successful conviction.

Many times I have to go through an experience to have a conversion.

It is in the midst of deep exposure that I evolve.  Praise God He does not leave me where I am.  His instruction usually stings, but purpose is always a product of pain if I have the proper perspective.

So, today, as I have been meeting the demands set before me, I have been intentionally practicing my status as a beloved daughter of The King.  I repented there in my car yesterday for my unbelief, now the battle is in the fight to believe and rest in my identity as His.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving a ragamuffin like me!  Where are you not believing you are enough, friends?  Will you ask The Lord to show you if it is not already clear?  Lets fight to believe together!  Proverbs 27:17~ As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Who or What Are You Trusting

- dannalundstrom 1 Comment

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Right now it seems all the world has to offer is unrest, uncertainty, division, fear and anger, but God gives us His word.  It is the balm and the pacifier for all things.  Last night I was reading in the Psalms before I went to bed.  Psalm 112:7-8 says, they do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.  They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly.  As I meditated on that, I immediately felt lighter.  I cannot just read God’s word.  That does me no good.  I must believe His word.  Perception without practice is unbelief that only leads us down dirt roads disillusioned by fear.  The degree to which we trust the Lord at His word is directly proportional to our level of peace. We are all trusting in something.  When I find myself anxious, afraid or mingling with any of their cohorts, I know I am trusting in something or someone other than my Savior.  May you find freedom and rest in the Word, not the world today, friends.

A Gentle and Quiet Heart

- dannalundstrom 1 Comment

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When I am neglectful of my quiet time, the first place it shows up is in my negligence with others.  Luke 6:26~Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart.  It is so important for me to evaluate the contents of my heart daily.  When I fail to do this, I am susceptible to an unsettled and unkind heart.  Just a few things that prevent a gentle and quiet heart for me are fear, anxiety, worry, control (which are all unbelief), anger, unforgiveness, unconfessed sin, fatigue, and lastly a need for people to understand me.  These are all explanations but must never be excuses.

Father, my heart is susceptible to clutter. When I fail to recognize it and bring it all to you; I inexcusably give it to others. Actualize in me a keen awareness of what is taking refuge in my heart so I may rest in your strength to transform the unholy into holy. Remind me that many of these things that unsettle my heart are about me elevating myself and excluding you. It is so easy in my the makings of my days to forget to call on you as my director instead of my default. May your name be the song of my lips so that I readily enact you in times of praise and pandemonium. Thank you for loving me in all my messiness. Amen.