Life is about enjoying, but as Christians, more than we are comfortable admitting, it is often more about enduring…enduring the diagnosis, enduring the loss of a job, broken relationships, the addiction, the absence of a prodigal child or spouse who likely may never return home. Life is about enduring the daily news, which everyday seems to stir anxiety and summon fear. It’s about enduring the loss of a parent, a sibling and even a child. The unthinkable, the horrific, the unfair, none of these are strangers to this life we inhabit, and all of them are cloaked around someone who often does not deserve such pain.
Jesus did not deserve such pain.
Pain is not partial in this life, but perseverance is. Perseverance is reserved only for those who are fueled by a joy that cannot be bought or manufactured, but given by a relationship with a God who is the only one that can sustain us through extinguishable trials.
This life is full of moments that bring us joy, but equally those that challenge the depth of our faith in a God whose perceived silence feels deafening in the darkest of circumstances. It is those circumstances, the dark ones, the ones that threaten our identity as a believer, and reveal the fundamental theology that we are living off of. Sometimes this revelation is not what we would expect, especially to “believers.”
“You are an unbelieving believer.”
These painful, piercing words were spoken to define me three years ago, by someone who had my best interest at heart. Like a ball of fire that wold burn my soul, they seared me to my core. It made me mad, it made me cry, and for a short time, I did not like her. I did not like her until I realized she was absolutely right!
I was going through a hard time. I was stumbling, struggling and sometimes stalling life down a very unstable road. Worry, anxiety and fear were my friends. They were the trinity that were ruling my life. I was an unbelieving believer, because I was not living off of the truths of the gospel. I was living off of the fears of an opportunistic, fallen world that can easily overtake those who are not deeply anchored to the rock of life-Jesus.
If we believe God is sovereign, if we believe He works all things for the good, if we believe He will not abandon us…how is there room for excessive worry, anxiety and fear in our lives? There was in mine three years ago, because saying you believe and even thinking you believe are not the same as living as you believe.
Belief is a very active, ongoing, moment to moment renewal to fight to live that which we say we know. It is not enough to know, we have to fight to really know. It is not enough to hear, we have to fully engage to really hear. It is not even enough to see, we have to seek to really see for ourselves, otherwise, how can we really believe?
It is not that we should strive to go through this life worry free, anxiety free and fear free. That is not possible, I know! The goal is to live this life reflecting the goodness, faithfulness and character of a God who is carrying us well through all those difficult times.
We are allowed to be afraid, Jesus was afraid to the point of what was described in Luke as sweating blood. We are allowed to have worry and anxiety, but none of these things will have us if God completely has our hearts, our minds and our beliefs surrendered and anchored to His promises.
A life of surrender looks a lot different, and it feels a lot different. It feels light and free and it looks not always smooth, but definitely safe.
May we all fight the good fight of belief, even when it makes no sense. May we fight to believe when we don’t want to, and worry and fear seem like a more appealing choice. May we fight hardest when God seems quietest. May we all remember that although HE sometimes is seemingly silent, HE is never still. You never endure alone. Spend a little time with Jesus today and allow him to engage you in your endurance. He will give you rest.