As any good parent, we all want to have perfect children, and we all know we don’t.  Sometimes we try very hard  to cling to “perfect child” righteousness, because it makes us feel more socially acceptable, and like we are keeping up with all the “perfect” people in the trifecta of disillusionment-Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  I am casting no judgement, because let me assure you-been there, done that-FOR SURE!

When I finally grasped that none of my accomplishments, my children’s accomplishments…, or anything outside of Jesus could make me righteous and complete, it was another triumph in my heart.  It was another fresh taste of freedom that we only find in the provisions of our Provider!  When I forget, it is finished, I am finished.  Forgetting that always proves costly for me, because trying to grab the world’s robes of righteousness to dress myself, my life, my marriage, my children or any other part of me up (filthy rags,as the Bible calls them), is an exhausting and artificial way to live .

Our children’s sin is natural, just as ours is.  They are young, not so smart, and still learning to negotiate this life.  They are still fighting for their position, their worth and their reputation in the eyes of their peers.  Knowing that they are going to mess up, and often, is wise to go ahead and make peace with as early as possible.  It is much easier to redeem their sin as a parent when we can find the messages in the mess ups that will teach them more than any punishment ever would.  I’m not saying there is never a time for consequences, because there is, but sometimes grace yields much more growth than grounding.

Last week I went to my kids school because my son called and told he was in the finals of a 3 on 3 basketball tournament.   He wanted me to come watch.  When I arrived in the gym, the game had not started.  I immediately saw my daughter (7th grade) standing in the gym with a circle of friends.  I ambitiously waved to her, and much to my surprise, she looked mortified, and mouthed the words to me, “why are you here?”

Ok, I know that I should have remembered my junior high years, but come on, am I really that embarassing?  I was dressed pretty hip, had makeup on, and a smile on my face.  Oh, that so did not matter!  I might as well have looked like an alien because she definitely looked like she saw one.  Noticing I was not necessarily a welcome sight to her, “what will my friends think mentality,” I retreated to a corner to wait on the game.

What I thought was a safe corner shortly became a war zone of redundant text messages… LEAVE NOW, PLEASE GO AWAY, WHY ARE YOU HERE… To say I was horrified is an understatement.  After ignoring several messages,  I texted her back, “Sorry I was invited here by your brother.   I have a right to be here, and if you have a problem with that, you are free to go to another room in the school.”

The reason this was all so shocking to me was because this is my,  child that rarely gives me any problems.  I rarely have trouble with her, and when I do, it’s minor.  Discipline is just never an issue.  She obeys, is helpful and has always been eager to please.  The “body snatchers” had definitely shown up in that moment and abducted my pleasant child.  They robbed her of  all her, I love my mom sweetness.

To make matters worse, when I did not leave she decided she had to take a more aggressive step to ignite my departure, and restore her social status in the realm of her peers.  I am now talking to another mom, and up she comes , body snatchers on board,  and starts telling me, “please leave,” while trying to push me out of the gym.  Now I am not only horrified, but mad, shocked, and in total disbelief.  I wanted the floor to open up and just take me away in a magic hole.  Yea, we know that didn’t happen.  She looked ridiculous, and I felt horribly embarrassed.

Upon leaving the school that afternoon, I felt angry and hurt, but I knew that I needed some time to process and pray about how to handle what happened, and that’s what I did. I thought about taking her phone away, grounding her, and a lot of other punishments, but grace kept chiming in.  This was very atypical behavior for her.  I rarely have to discipline her beyond telling her something once.  Did she deserve to be punished-absolutely.  Would she learn anything from me taking her phone away, or any other restriction?  I wasn’t really sure.  Usually one stern look can send her into tears, so I knew I had a to choose my course of action wisely if this was going to be a learning experience.

Ultimately, I decided to take the road less traveled that day, and as the famous words go,  it made all the difference!

When I picked her up,  she was in the backseat.  We exchanged a few awkward pleasantries.  I then told her I was very shocked, hurt and saddened by her behavior that day.  I told her I had been thinking and praying since I left the school about how to handle what happened. I explained to her that I was contemplating taking her phone away, restricting TV privileges, among other options.  I let her know once she finished her homework we would need to sit down and talk.  From the backseat I only heard a soft, but shame laden, “yes ma’am.”

We did sit down later, face to face, and I told her I had decided not to punish her, but that I wanted to discuss some things with her.  I again explained to her there would not be tolerance for that type of behavior next time, so be warned.

Then we really got into the heart of the matter.  I asked her if she knew why she did what she did that afternoon?   She shamefully shook her head no, and said, “I’m sorry mama.”  I said, “I think the reason you acted that way today was because in that moment, you felt what your friends thought of you was more important than what Jesus thought of you.”  Her eyes got big.  I asked her if she thought that was right, and she nodded in agreement.  I hugged her and told her, that I understand how that happened, because I, too, sometimes forget that only Jesus’ opinion matters.  Sometimes I also am trying to impress the world, but the world does not give me my worth or value, only Jesus can do that.  We then said a prayer and asked God to forgive us for all the times we try to make ourselves perfect outside of him.

That night as I was tucking her into bed, we said prayers, and she looked at me a bit  ashamed, and said, “mom, I am really sorry how I acted today.”  Now we needed to take care of that shame and condemnation she was feeling.  Perfect!  This was a great opportunity to go to God’s word and show her life giving truth such as:  Isaiah 30:15~In repentance and rest is my salvation, Romans 8~1 Therefore, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus,  Isaiah 43:25~ He blots out our transgressions and remembers them no more. Thank you Jesus for you word that nourishes our weak and weary souls.  Thank you for grace that frees us from the pressure to perform and get it right.  Thank you that we can mess up, and you can manage it into a beautiful message.  Thank you for my daughter’s sin that day.

This was such a fruitful sin my daughter committed that day.  It was loaded with learning opportunities about grace, mercy, repentance, rest, forgiveness and so much more.  I have no doubt that this approach was abundantly more successful than any punishment would of ever been!  I am so glad grace won out that day.  It is a day I don’t think either of us will soon forget.  There was so much success in her sin that day, and punishment would of crushed any chance of redemption!   It was an imperfectly, perfect day!

I love my daughter.  She is a sinner just like me, but she is a great kid, and I am blessed to be her mama!  She has more determination and a work ethic like few I know. I pray that she can begin to find the freedom from the idol of people approval, and rest in the freedom   of Jesus’ unending approval.