As I lean deeper into Jesus, He goes deeper with me, giving me the courage to look at the hidden parts of myself that I can only bear to see sitting in the shadow of the cross. It is there that I remember I am ransomed and redeemed.
I love to start my day praying Psalm 139:23-24. The verses say ~ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. I love this prayer because it is an invitation for God to come into my heart, including the dark corners where concealed, slow drips of destructive sin and unbelief taint my peace and compromise my joy.
The examination of our hearts can be frightening, but God is a source of courage that allows us to face our fears. Courage to me is NOT the absence of fear, but the ability to stand and look it in the face because I belong to and have faith in The One who is bigger than all my fears.
God knitted me together in such a way that I have a strong desire for intimate connection. For me, that looks like walking well with hurting friends. It also means authentic community, transparency and the strength to be vulnerable with other believers.
We are so often captives to our sins, circumstances and the shame they yield. We live as lonely, hostages among a world of impostures wearing masks to dress up their outsides and disguise their insides.
A dear, friend recently shared this Dietrich Bonhoeffer quote with me that speaks so eloquently to this issue.
“It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service may still be left to their loneliness. The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!”
“Our vulnerability is the greatest gift we have to offer each other. It is contagious and liberating because it gives others permission to be “normal.” Sin is a common denominator for all humanity so why are we not freer to be honest with fellow believers? Our fear of judgment and rejection restrains us. Fear silences us and bullies us into isolation.
The Apostle Paul called himself the chief of all sinners, so where does that leave us? I hope encouraged, and not suffocating in guilt or shame. Until we stop hiding, we cannot be healed.
Lord Jesus, life can be messy, but you know that because you came and walked amidst the suffering and sin of this world. You were despised and rejected to sustain us in our sorrow. You wept to know us in our weeping. Your body was broken to redeem our brokenness and secure for us everlasting life. How faithful you are for loving us when we are unlovely. Help us, your children, be a body of authentic believers who recognize we are sinners who desperately need each other and more importantly, you. May our hearts remember to repent, return and rest in your available and accepting arms. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Amen.